Conversations: 30 seconds in my marriage. (LET’S GET REAL ABOUT JESUS.)

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TMD: You know what time the Christian religion says Jesus died on the cross?

Me: Pause. What? Are you…is this a joke?

TMD: No. It’s real. They say he died at 3 pm.

Me: So like, 2 pm our time?

TMD: No, three.

Me: So, 4 pm his time?

TMD: What the fuck? Just…three o’clock our time. I don’t know what Jesus’ time is.

Me: Well, he’s from about one time zone over, isn’t he.

Tmd: Pause. More pause. Grin. I don’t know about that, but the next thing you’re going to try to do is convince me Jesus was black. Or at least dark skinned. Let’s get real about Jesus – he was blonde with blue eyes.

Me: No, even in the whitest traditions, Jesus had brown hair and brown eyes.

TMD: HE WAS BLONDE.

Me: He fucking wasn’t, he was from that other timezone.

TMD: You know I was joking right?

Incredibly long pause.

TMD: About Jesus being blonde? I know he wasn’t.

Me: Oh, I thought you meant about the 3 pm thing.

TMD: blah blah blah – this is what I heard on the radio – blah blah – definitely 3 pm – blah blah

Me: You know I didn’t hear anything you just said, right? I’ve been too busy typing the start of this conversation online.

TMD: I was just providing you with backup proof about the 3 pm thing.

End scene.

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9 Responses to “Conversations: 30 seconds in my marriage. (LET’S GET REAL ABOUT JESUS.)”

  1. catsandcradles Says:

    Most awesome.

  2. Pshouseblog Says:

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEES. YES YES YES!!!! HE WAS BLONDE!
    My word, every bible I’ve ever seen, every painting…well- they prove it. I even have a little golden book that says he was just like me. BLONDE.
    Love it 😀

  3. Christy Says:

    I wish I lived closer to you guys. I think we would be BFFs for sure. That could have easily been a conversation between me and waldo, right down to the last line. 🙂

  4. FemmeFairyGodmother Says:

    I may well be the lone (practicing) Christian who responds to this but … yay, you! For fuck’s sake. We have no idea what day or time Jesus died. It’s not like they kept *records* of it. We know roughly when and very likely it had nothing to do with March or April given that Easter changes frequently. And that the date was set by the first Council of Nicea 325-ish years after Jesus died. *eyeroll* AND Jesus was so not blonde. I swear, it’s things like this that make me hesitate to identify myself as a Christian in public. You know where I live – I don’t want to be thought of as one of THOSE sort of Christians. Aside from all that – y’all have the most interesting conversations.

  5. pamela Says:

    The Mister and I are Christians and we have conversations like this all the time. Blonde, my ass!

  6. apieceofwood Says:

    Can’t say we’ve ever had this conversation.. but we do talk about some pretty strange stuff at times…

  7. Shilo Says:

    hahaha you guys make me laugh.

  8. Christine LaRocque Says:

    Just spit out my coffee. The good way.

  9. ShannonL Says:

    You are so friggin’ hilarious! I’ve been reading your blog on and off for about a month now, and the more I read the more I like! 🙂

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