Archive for March 25th, 2010

A note to people pregnant with twins.

March 25, 2010

I shall type quickly, with no absolute purpose in mind. I’m awake, the babies are awake, no one has eaten yet, I need to poop.  This leaves me with a minimum opportunity to write blog entries, people. I am sacrificing the health of my bowel to write these words.

Lately I’ve been reading blogs of people pregnant with twins, or parenting newborn twins. Can I say ‘nostalgic’? I cannot fucking believe I have the opportunity to be nostalgic about this. I have two healthy, happy 7 month old babies. My friend round the corner is getting bigger and bigger and more pissed off looking with every day. I look at her and think, ‘That was me last year! That lady has 2 babies in her belly!’ I veer between disbelief that the human body can support and nurture multiple pregnancies, to wondering when I can do it all again.

I love being a twin mama. When they were younger, I had two or three breakdowns. You know, sobbing while they were sobbing, losing my mind, hunching over the kitchen sink wondering WHEN THE SCREAMING WOULD STOP.

I don’t have those moments anymore. (Please, baby Jesus, let me not have jinxed myself!) Yes, I am tired most of the time – and every day at 3:30 I lose the will to keep moving. Yes, I am in a lot of pain and sometimes that makes me cry. But the babies? A constant, never ceasing delight.

One scootching around on her back, following me and saying, ‘Mamamamamama.’ The other on my lap, twisting to look up at my face and give me a heartwrenching smile. How could I get tired of this?

Granted, our days are starting to be action packed. Fitting in solid feeds, among everything else, is a teensy bit of a bitch. But we have such fun once we’re actually eating. Snort and Coconut are very very chatty babies, and when Coco is really enjoying her food she sort of hum/talks while she eats. Snort, on the other hand, keeps looking at her and smiling. Wiggling his wrists in little circles that we refer to as his ‘wrist exercises.’

A few times I’ve gone to the bathroom and heard baby giggles. I rush in, pants around my ankles, to catch the action. Cue two babies, facing each other on their sides, holding hands and roaring with laughter. Cue Coconut putting her fingers in Snort’s mouth, cue them playing with each other’s toes, cue toy stealing, cue wrestling, cue more love. Sometimes the babies look to each other to sort of doublecheck things out – before they look at me or TMD.

Twins are magic, magical, magiclicious. If you are pregnant with them, you have something heading your way that – trust me on this – you could not have imagined beforehand.

I think the reason I’m not cracking up, or why the first year isn’t the living hell I read it is on other people’s blogs, is how fucking calm I am. It really does take a lot to get me feeling anxious or sad. I have never gotten angry with them. Even in the earlier days when their tears happened more, I would force my body to relax, so that my body language and muscle tension said, ‘Happy, relaxed mommy. You be relaxed too, ok?’ And it worked.

Now I don’t have to pretend. I am relaxed about 99% of the time, and the other 1% is usually about trying to cope with meeting the daily demands of life while being physically under the weather. (I just want to walk again. I do. I miss walking, putting one foot in front of the other, going places.)

At first I was afraid to be home alone with the babies. I didn’t know what I would do with them. It was pure terror. Then Mil came and I wanted to be on my own, and I did it. It wasn’t so bad. Then I was afraid of going out alone with them. Dude, I am SO over that now. If I was able to walk, I would be outta here a few times a week. I don’t care if one or both wanted feeding out, I don’t care if they cried because they were tired, I am not afraid of other parents looking at me and thinking, ‘Why are those babies crying?’ Because I think what they would really be thinking is, ‘How does she do it with TWO babies?’

I’ll tell you how: with love.