Archive for March 20th, 2010

Therablog.

March 20, 2010

So, the other day I was talking with a friend about sexual abuse. We won’t go into details, because I know some readers have faced this and I don’t want to trigger anything for anyone. (If I write about this more in future, will put a ‘sensitive’ warning at start of post.)

That night, I had a dream that was like remembering things. Not very dreamlike at all, if you get me, more like my brain opening up doors and me saying, ‘Oh, yes, that’s how it was.’ I tried to tell myself it was because of this conversation with a friend – and it probably was – but kept thinking about it.

Then a certain post went up on Violence Unsilenced (a great, great site!) and I found myself having difficulty breathing. Literally felt like all the air was out of my lungs, I felt nervy and panic ridden. It didn’t help that I’m quite friendly with the author of the post, and was completely blindsided by how a ‘normal’ person (like me, of course, like me) can have this whole malignant past and be brave enough to tell people about it.

All of that aside, we went out today and when we got back in I was so sore I needed to go have a rest. I ended up falling into a very deep sleep, and who was there? Kleinette (my old therapist, for those of you who are newish to the blog). Kleinette was there with me in the area where I grew up, driving a car while I was in the backseat. (And had quadruplets in this dream, that TMD handily left for me and Kleinette to drive around- despite having no car seats. Way to be unsafe, TMD’s dreamself!)

We sort of went around different places, had some good, challenging talks, etc.

I woke up feeling like I’d just had a very intense therapy session. It was good, but also bizarre. And can I say, I haven’t had a dream about Kleinette in, what? Years?

The dream had come to a natural conclusion, and then I was properly woken up by two manically screaming babies. I decided to take pity on TMD and hobbled out of the bedroom to help feed. So I’ve lost some of the clarity of our dream discussion, but a few salient points remain. And the emotional feeling of having probed wounds, but knowing I am strong enough to deal with that now, certainly has stuck with me.

Just wanted to get this stuff down in case it was important. And there I go, downplaying it. It is important. And it was nice to see Kleinette! Yes, I know she was a figment of my mind, but she has connotations of safety for me – and it is always nice to see the face of someone you care about, in reality or dreams. Perhaps she has ‘come back’ to help me think deal with things, sort of like Dumbo and his magic feather.

The one thought I had upon waking was, ‘Of course I’ve got a fucking pelvic problem.’ This was the result of thinking about finally writing Kleinette back (ah, you don’t know about her baby gift drama – I sent her a birth announcement, she sent me a fab card and awesome baby slippers, I didn’t write back because I didn’t want her to think I was stalkery, she ended up texting at New Year’s to see if I got the stuff, I felt like a heel for not thanking her, etc) and mentioning the SPD. Then I remembered that it was mentioned on more than one occasion about my – holy shit, I forgot the acronym.

PMDD. Yes, PMDD.

And then I thought (because apparently you can take me out of a paying job as a counsellor and put me on maternity leave, but you cannot take the counsellor out of me), isn’t it innnnnteresting that all my major problems are in that one region of my body. I also thought about how the last time I lost shedloads of weight, I was in therapy – not to talk about weight at all, but the weight seemed to fly off during therapy/training as a counsellor, and I don’t think that was an accident.

If this is a bunch of wobbling, rambling mess, forgive me. It’s late at night, and I’ve already been asleep for like four hours. Just feel like I needed to write something real, and also, well, you know. Comfort blogging. It’s better than your favourite comfort movie, or at least it is to me.

Night, all. Hope you’ve had a good Saturday and will have an even better Sunday.

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Thanks in advance.

March 20, 2010

Life is bitchin’.

Aussie just rang to tell me I am famous! On a certain babywearing group she belongs to, someone posted a question on how to wear twins. One woman linked to my youtube channel (that is slowly but surely filling up with demos). A few posts later, someone linked to my other blog!

FAME! I WANNA LIVE FOREVER! etc etc

I’ve gotten two opportunities to write articles (which I now need to do), been informed by some companies that they ‘love my work’, and am getting a steady influx of babywearing questions from other mamas or mamas-to-be.

I feel really excited, because I am madly passionate about babywearing – and nothing compares to wearing two babies at once! It really is lovely.

Aussie was just saying what a valuable thing I am doing, to help other people learn to develop their own mad skillz. In a fit of empowered goodness, I bought a domain name. Now, of course, I don’t know what to do with it. Free blog that you only write text in a box? I’m so there.

Doing other shit now that the world seems to have progressed from my ‘designing’ days of <color=”red”> ? No fucking clue. Also debating if it is, indeed, a good idea to  switch that blog (wordpress, like this one) to a self-owned site. Pros, cons? Advice?

The babywearing site I currently have is rapidly growing in page views, so I’m thinking I’d want to switch before it gets much bigger? But I also don’t want to pay tons of money to run this thing. I do want to give it the best chance of being seen by twin or singleton parents who want to babywear, though,  as the whole goal is to empower others.

Give it to me, you know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it. Slide your big, fat, helpful experiences with hosting your own blog right between my waiting, pink ears.