Lesbian bicontinental mummies.


What’s on my mind tonight? Immigration.

When we set foot on the soil of Country A this weekend, a lot is at stake. A ‘normal’ family would just pick the ‘citizens’ or ‘foreign nationals’ line and line up together. Fill in one form.

Us? I am a citizen of Country A and Country B, as are the babies. TMD is only a citizen of Country B, as Country A is a giant big fat redneck ho-down of ignorance in terms of gay rights. Country A can actually refuse her entry into its hallowed fields of grain, etc etc as she is legally married to little ol’ me. (With a legality that is erased and unrecognised by the unbelievable arrogance of the federal laws of Country A.)

Before we had children, we would separate at the immigration lines without being coupley at all. We went through our independent lines. I was never questioned about anything regarding relationships, though I faced a fair number of questions like this: Why don’t you want to live in our great country? What is wrong with it? Why would you choose to live somewhere else? I’ve had my bags ripped apart, I’ve been shamelessly flirted with by male customs and immigration men, I have been questioned and had my answers recorded into their giant database thing.

TMD has had the odd question as well. Coming here for Christmas – what, aren’t your family mad about that? You’ve been in this country a lot recently….why is that? Do you have a boyfriend here?

I have felt belittled and angry about having to be closeted at all. I have no shame about myself, my wife, and our family. But I’ve kept my mouth shut because, well, sometimes that is easier, particularly when the people you are talking to have guns and shiny badges.

With children, things get a lot more complicated. For me, I’ll be asked to prove that I have the right to be taking them abroad on my own – I suspect this will be a bigger issue on the return trip home rather than going into that country, but still. The issue is there. I’ll be asked who I’m travelling with, as I’m actually not able to fly alone with two four month old babies.  We both have full parental responsibility for Snort and Coconut, which makes things even messier. TMD and I do not want to lie. But we don’t want to overshare, either.

I was supposed to be in a wheelchair in both airports, but have decided I will probably try to walk in Country A. This means I can go alone through the citizens immigration line with the babies and TMD can go through the foreign nationals line. Hopefully no one will want to fuck around with me too much, as I will have two babies and a giant ass twin stroller (we need it for the car seats!).

We shouldn’t have to have conversations about whether we should split up or go through as a family. We shouldn’t know that to go through as a family is inviting questions at best, TMD being detained or deported at worst. We shouldn’t be planning all of the documents we will need – including TMD getting a letter stating that she has a full time job over here and is due back at work on 5 January.

TMD shouldn’t be crying because she is scared that somehow, the unthinkable will happen and she will have to spend Christmas alone. (Incidentally, we would fly back with her…assuming they would make provision to find the babies and me seats…but why would they, if they were already fine with not recognizing us as a family?)

I shouldn’t be angry about the fact that only a few years from now, the babies won’t be babies any more and we’re going to have some tough discussions about why immigration is so different here in our home as compared to Country A.

While I know it’s very unlikely either of us will be questioned that much, and that there is no way they could stop her entering – we have a life in this country, a mortgage, full time jobs, she’s clearly not looking to make an illegal and lifelong move to The Country That Time Forgot – it’s still upsetting and scary. I won’t get my wheelchair, true, but what’s a million times more important is that we are going to be treated as less than a fully human family.

So fuck you, Country A.

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9 Responses to “Lesbian bicontinental mummies.”

  1. Chibi Jeebs Says:

    “Country A can actually refuse her entry into its hallowed fields of grain, etc etc as she is legally married to little ol’ me. ”

    *jaw drop* Absolutely, flabbergastingly gobsmacked. That is disgusting. I’m so sorry your FAMILY has to go through this – it makes me ill. 😦

  2. pamela Says:

    oh, mama. i apologize on behalf of all the assholes in country a. not that i need to, but i am sorry that you have to go through that kind of turmoil.

  3. Erika Says:

    Yeah. Fuck you, Country A! This is so wrong. SO wrong. Are you and TMD both legal parents to your kids? My wife and I are going through the adoption process in WI (USA) and it kills me that I’m unable to legally adopt our children (only one of us can, and she’s more eligible than I am at present due to income, benefits, etc).

    I’m dying to know what countries A and B are. I’ll send all four of you good vibes for safe & uninterrupted travel. Good luck.

  4. Katie Says:

    I am so angry about your situation. So, so angry. And so ashamed of country A. How dare any country, and how dare any individual person say to you, “no, you’re not a family.” It makes me feel terrible to have that kind of freedom when you don’t. There’s nothing different between you and and any other family of four. You love each other (which is more than can be said for some families, let me tell ya), and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business. They’re called rights, and they’re for everyone, and you should have them.

    Of course, you never know, it *could* go off without a hitch, without any hassle or difficult questions, but, but, the very fact that a complicated thing has just gotten so much harder for you when it shouldn’t have to be… Anger.

    I wish I had an answer. I’m so, so sorry that country A isn’t what it ought to be. All my best to the families in both countries, I’m hoping for you.

  5. Tatiana Says:

    This is so shitty. I hate that Country A has it written into law that discrimination is okay, that my husband and I are a more valid couple than you and your wife. We’re not.

  6. Jinxy Says:

    This is such bullshit!

    I’m so angry for you and your family. You deserve to be treated like any other family out there and it’s so unfair that you’re being denied that.

    I’m so sorry.

  7. CJ Says:

    Ugh. Christmas travel should NOT be that hard. I’m so sorry you girls have to go through this.

  8. Darlene Says:

    Well, it isn’t hard to guess which country A is since it probably starts with a U. I am sorry that you have to go through that. I hate that this country is like this. For all you bible thumper’s out there….do you think this is why this country isn’t mentioned in the Bible? Yea…..nuff said.

  9. Button Says:

    Sending you love, and apologies for a crappy set of laws (I hope they are going to be changed in the next few years. Things are looking up, just wait and see – once all the snob-nosed, rich 65+ jerks die off we will have it for sure, but it may come sooner than that!) It is completely wrong that equal rights are denied to you both, I couldn’t imagine going through this situation, I am so sorry you two have so much crap to put up with around this already very stressful time of year.

    (From Country A. Many of us here are thinking of you guys with love today.)

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