Massive shout out to single parents, seriously.


I have a great baby voice. It is super enthusiastic, chirpy, suitably high pitched. Why, this morning I had both babies squirming in delight. What was I saying?

‘I’m gonna punch your big fat Nana right in her nose, yes I am, I’m gonna punch her!’ They thought this was hilarious.

What, you don’t say this sort of shit to your kids? From what I’ve found out about incubation periods (two days) and who you catch it from (you’re contagious if you feel like shit), we deffo caught our sicknesses from Big. Fat. Stupid. Nana. (Can you hear the cooing way in which I can say this? And how every sentence sounds like a question due to the lilt at the end? No, it’s not at alllll obnoxious, I assure you.)


It started on Monday night for the middle of the night feed. I woke up as TMD started Snort, and was merrily chatting away at her.  She suddenly thrust him at me and muttered, ‘I was terribly sick about a half hour ago. I can’t do this.’ She fell into an immediate and deep sleep. She was so frickin’ pale. She is still mega mega sick, took her first Tamiflu dose last night.

Compadre, with no questions asked, jumped onto a train from The City and came out here to The Country so he could go pick up her anti-virals. I just love him so much and feel so honored to know him, let alone have him be our children’s non-god godfather. They are lucky little pumpkins. Anyway.

I’ve been on solo twin care duty since about 3 am late Monday night. It is better and worse than you would think it is. Except that now little Coconut is coughing, coughing, coughing. She had some mega throw ups last night. Neither baby seems sick, per say (excepting the coughing and sneezing). Coconut isn’t quite her cheerful self, but then Snort has somehow morphed into The Most Cheerful Baby On The Planet. So maybe he stole some of her good humour? Can twins do that?

We didn’t get to bed till after midnight last night. It was a tricky evening, and probably because I was so worn out. I can normally count on TMD jumping right in once she’s home, and we’ve got it sorted that she always does middle of the night feeds unless they both need to be fed at the same time. I was so worried they would need that last night, because we’re keeping TMD away from the babies. (She is too weak to help feed them anyway.)  She slept on the couch, which appears to have broken her back.

It’s all a bit spooky because she never gets sick. And even if she is feeling a bit off colour, she refuses to admit it. She has transformed to someone who is sleeping hours at a time, alternates between being pale and quite flushed, and actually moans in pain when she is awake. Not nice. Still, she admits she feels like absolute hell this morning, but she doesn’t look as sick. She was also awake out here for about 40 minutes, which is a world record.

So, in conclusion, fuck you Nana. Fuck you real bad.

SHIT. Coconut coughing again – every time she does, large amounts of spit up accompany it.

‘Imma fuck  up your Nana, Imma fuck her up hardcore, yes I am, yes I am!’


Edit: Fuck. Snort just threw up massively bad. If there is a god of twin parents out there, a god of lone care givers, I hope they/it/he/she are on my side. I hope I can care for two throwing up three month olds. Today is their three month birthday, so perhaps the birthday god will also help us out. Oh, and the god of polka dot pajamas.


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6 Responses to “Massive shout out to single parents, seriously.”

  1. apieceofwood Says:

    I hope TMD is better soon and I hope you are all ok and the babies stay flu free..

    But aside from that, I giggled through that post at you saying stuff to the babies… 🙂

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I cant believe you get away with calling TMDs mom fat and stupid! AND DONT SAY F!!!!!!!

  3. Megs Says:

    sorry – that was me 🙂

  4. Shilo Says:

    Aww man, that is absolutely fucked up. You poor poor lady. I really hope the bubs feel better soon. *hugs*
    My twinnies are 2 months today, so happy two and three months to them all 🙂 Mine have just started those giant smiles where they look like thier face is about to turn inside themselves, this usually happens when I get that super high pitched sing song voice happening. I also just talk complete bollocks to them and they are none the wiser, they love it. As long as you say it with a smile on your face they are happy campers.

  5. Shilo Says:

    I totally forgot to say I hope TMD gets better asap. I know what it’s like trying to juggle two babies by yourself at once. It sucks!

  6. Darlene Says:

    I’m late reading this. I sure hope the babies don’t come down with anything serious. That really blows chunks that someone would come around them when they were ill. What was she thinking?????

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