Don’t quit your day job.


Mornings are my favourite time. Coconut and Snort make clucking and whimpering noises, respectively, and I lift them out of their crib. We move into the lounge, where each baby goes into a bouncer. I sit on a beanbag in front of them and talk, sing, tickle, boop their noses. I am rewarded with at least thirty minutes of smiling, laughing, wiggling before they want to eat. They are the ultimate receptive audience.

Snort particularly likes (and Coconut doesn’t mind, either!) a song I used to sing when I worked at camp. It goes a little something like this:

Ding ding ding ding ding
Here comes my wagon, my wagon,
I think I hear my keeper calling meeeeeeeeee.

Ding ding ding ding ding
Here comes my wagon, my wagon,
To take me to the funny factory.

(You want the rest of the lyrics, you just let me know.)

But somehow this morning, whether I was singing that song, or even just giving them a rambling monologue about bottle preparation, I kept drifting off into some sort of trance state. That’s all I can describe it as, because whenever I snapped back into reality, I was singing that good old Venga Boys song. You know, the one that was my favourite when I went to the gay club with OGS every Thursday night. The one with the big honking horn in it.

Yes, that’s right: We like to party. We like, we like to party. The venga bus is coming, blah blah blah blah blah BLAH blah. When I say I kept singing this song, I mean for like an hour or two. I would consciously change songs or start talking again, and then the fucking Venga Boys would sneak up on me, climb into my ears, and come out of my mouth. At top volume.

I don’t get it.

While feeding Coconut, I decided to combat this problem (‘problem’?) by pretending I was a songwriter for the Disney Channel. You know, earnest and heartwrenching songs aimed at the core 8-12 year old audience who believe in true love, et all. The result was quite stirring, if I do say so myself.

You…are looking at me…
Looking at you.
You don’t seem to know what to do.
I….am looking at you….
Looking at me.
Feeling this was…meant to be.

I know, I know. Close your mouths, because your jaws have no doubt dropped to the floor in amazement at my mad songwriting skillz. I only wish you could hear the melody.

My kettle boiling skillz, though. What the fuck. In baby bottle land, you need to boil a kettle with fresh water, let it sit 15 minutes, and then decant it into bottles. I have boiled that fucker three times while writing this, because I can’t manage to take note when it stops boiling – and then set an alark clock for fifteen minutes time – BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER REMEMBER I HAD BOILED IT.

Perhaps I should write a song about this.

For now, I decided I would give Coconut and Snort some twin time. You know, there is tummy time, talk to them time, feed them time, change their nappies time. Why not a time when they can play next to each other? I think they are being raised quite singleton-ish-ly, though no doubt being twins is already influencing their behaviour and development.

All I know is that I spread out a Hello Kitty blanket on the floor, plopped them both on it (Snort is making himself miserable in his attempts to roll over, so I figured throwing him on the floor would help. You know, because rolling out of a bouncy chair probably wouldn’t be the best start to your Move By Yourself career.)

Coconut actually turned her head and looked at Snort. For a good long while.

They are becoming more and more aware of each other – this is a key difference between singletons and twins. Rumour has it within the next few months they will be entertaining each other for hours on end, staring at each other and giggling. So I’m fostering that with Twin Time, because it is so easy to not have them together you wouldn’t believe it.

I am so, so, so lucky. My little/big babies are healthy, happy, gorgeous.

They may be starting to ‘set each other off’ (in previous weeks one could repeatedly punch the other while screaming at the decibel level of a rock concert and the other one would sleep through it), but those few times Snort starts crying because Coconut is poking him when he’s trying to sleep? Totally worth them becoming more and more aware not just of myself and TMD, but of each other. It’s miraculous, and I don’t care if it has happened for centuries with every set of twins.

Just because something seems ‘everyday’ doesn’t mean it isn’t spectacular.


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9 Responses to “Don’t quit your day job.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    I’m lovin the lyrics!

    Twin time is definitely important. I hope you get some pictures of this event!

  2. Katie Says:

    I think I know this wagon song, but it is at the back of my mind, and I’m not sure. I’d have to hear the tune to know for sure, it would’ve been from my long ago camper days, though. Sadly, by the time I was a counsellor, we couldn’t sing any songs involving insanity, bottles, fighting, relationships, nudity, or death.

    Twin baby interaction is amazing to me, just from having seen them at work from time to time. There was a couple who came in with two boys, and there was the cutest portrait of them laying hugging each other (and they were maybe two months old), but the parents didn’t want it because they didn’t want their relatives to think of the boys as a matched pair. I get it, but I’m like, dude, your babies get to play together with somebody their exact age all the time, other babies don’t get to do that! They didn’t get it.

    • existere Says:

      I worked at a camp for a long time. When I started, we had songs about all sorts of shit, including executing bunnies via the mafia. By the end, it had certainly got a lot blander. I added to the blandness by making lovey dovery songs gender neutral. Yeah, I know.

      I would have bought that picture if I was those people!

  3. Jenny Says:

    Kettle issue – do you have an electric kettle? I kind of assume you might already, and if you don’t, you SHOULD GET ONE because they are awesome. I say that and I don’t even live in bottle-land (or rather, I do vacation there, but not formula, so we don’t need boiling water in the same way).

    So the thing with the electric kettle is that you can time how long it takes for a full electric kettle of cool water to come to a boil, and then you can add that to 15 minutes, and then you can set your timer to that full amount at the same time as you turn the switch on the electric kettle… and then you’re reminded when the water is ready to be used!

    • existere Says:

      Electric kettles are all that exist here. I live in a land where quick access to tea is very, very important – lest you risk offending someone’s sensibilities. 😉

      Timing how long it takes to boil is a good idea, too. Hadn’t thought of that. Thanks!

  4. Tatiana Says:

    They are spectacular indeed 🙂 I love your song!

    I was just thinking the other day about how your twins are

  5. Tatiana Says:

    WTF? when did I hit “Submit Comment”?

    … your twins are TWO ENTIRE MONTHS OLD (and then some!) How did that even happen? Crazy.

  6. Jinxy Says:

    “Just because something seems ‘everyday’ doesn’t mean it isn’t spectacular.”

    I couldn’t agree more!!

    I boop Lily’s nose all the time, and her belly and her toes and sometimes her ears and lips.

    I love your song.

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