*kisses*

by

Okay, kids, will send links to my last blog to those who requested it asap – tomorrow? And if you wade through all that, there is more. Momma been blogging a long time.

In the meantime, I just ranted about Mil to TMD. We have a plan in place. Again, will try to update tomorrow. It’s a bit manic as they are getting weighed and stuff in the morning, then I have physio in the afternoon.

It is a (sick) relief to read that other people also have problems with their Mils. MY Mil is the sort of lady who takes great offence at the smallest thing, and then is wounded for the next forty years. I hear the same stories over and over – all of them make her sound crazy. I am SO POLITE.

I ignore the small stuff, but some stuff she does actually hurts the babies. Remind me to tell you about the fucking hats. Ridiculous.

Ventfully yours,

Me

PS – I reply to all your comments in my head. I also read your blogs. I am just shit for time, particularly when I have to be on high alert to be able to participate in my own children’s lives. Mil has GREAT intentions, just too fucking many of them. She is now also mocking my mother.  Nighty night.

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5 Responses to “*kisses*”

  1. Tatiana Says:

    I’m fortunate to have a fairly good relationship with my MIL. But, when she comes up, she stays with her brother (because his home is HUGE) who lives an hour away, so while she might stay here one night, she’s not a constant presence. Which is good. Because we’d probably step on each other’s toes.

    Like someone else suggested on the previous post, I did let her have her small victories when she wanted them. Obviously nothing that would endanger the baby. Chris was also always around when she was, and he has no problem getting combative (sometimes too much…) with her, so when I didn’t want to stand up to her, he would.

    Anyhow, I’m glad you two have a plan. She *IS* doing these things out of love, and probably a bit of confusion / outdated information. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do to make her accept up-to-date information unless she’s willing to (for example, I post links about my parenting style on Facebook and whatnot, and my MIL reads them if she wants to, then usually calls and talks to me about it like: “oh, that makes sense!” or “well, it’s not what I did, but if you and Chris are okay with it…”).

    But you know what’s kind of amazing? SOMEDAY YOU WILL BE THE MOTHER IN LAW!

  2. Jenny Says:

    Dude I hear you on the exasperation, including the offendedness for a loooong time… it is hard. I am able to be zen about it now because my MIL has returned to the other side of the country. Ask me again in a month when the next visit is slated. 🙂 But it sounds like you and TMD are being a united front, which is the #1 most important thing. It helps if as much as possible of the, “Uh, actually, what you’re doing is not okay!” comes from the daughter rather than the daughter-in-law, and you get to be the one to voice your appreciation for the things that she’s doing right. That good-cop-bad-cop routine is really helpful in nipping undesirable grandmotherly behaviors in the bud while encouraging the positive ones. But above all, make sure that you two are rock solid in your plan of action as a marital martial unit. You and TMD are the moms, and therefore you two are in charge of making decisions about your children. Do not let your MIL see any iota of disagreement, even if they occur, and just continue to be the beautiful team that you are.

    And, it sounds like you have the special brand of socially inept MIL that I do, who insults my own mum without meaning to do so. Just ignore. Ignore ignore ignore.

    • Stephanie Says:

      My mother also does the “OMG I am SO hurt and offended” thing in response to any criticism at all (e.g., “please stop telling me what to do.”) The reason we do not rant about her in our blog is that she reads it. However, she loves her grandson, and that is the most important thing.

  3. ari Says:

    You have my sympathy with dealing with MILs. We just spent the last year living with mine and it is such a relief to be in our own space. I’ve learned the phrases “sad panda” and “butt hurt” solely from this past year.

    Also, yay for the old journals! I’ve lost the old links but I’ve been following you for a ridiculous amount of time. I had forgotten about the writing days of yore. =D

  4. Jinxy Says:

    I’m really lucky that my MIL is very new age and totally into attachment parenting so we don’t have any problems like that. But when I tell my parents things like say “I have to go, Lily woke up and is crying”, I hear “crying is good for her lungs” or “you are spoiling her” and my response is “my kid, my way”. Of course like I said that is to my parents, who I can be much more upfront with, with other people I’m way polite and shy.

    I’m glad you have a plan. Good luck with it.

    Don’t feel bad about not replying in print or commenting to our blogs. You have two small babies that need you. I always want to reply and comment more then I do but typing one handed sucks a fat one. This is partly the reason that I have gotten into the habit of letting my favorite blogs sit in my reader for a couple of days unread. I store them up and when Lily is napping I read and comment to the ones I can.

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