You bookend my life. Thank you.



On the day you were born,
we brought some music into the room. On
a fluke
the evening before, we added the song
‘Beautiful Suprise’ to the CD.

And you are.

A beautiful surprise, I mean. The first moment
I saw you, I was flat on my back
with my head turned to the left,
your mum looking at you like
she’d known you her whole life. And
she looked at me
like I was a miracle for
making you.

Little boy, with your soft
deep gold hair, your heavy bottom,
your soft soft skin.

Little girl, our coconut,
with your rosy perfect lips
and tiny curled toes.

How could I have known this, known you,
imagined what it would be like?
Every day I learn you, get
to know you, watch you watching me.

I hang suspended in these moments,
in no rush to lose them to
just here for this exact time,
in this exact way.


Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my entry yesterday. Last night as my breasts let drip after drop fall onto my stomach, as I looked at them in the mirror before gently tucking them back into bra, I wondered for a moment if I was crying. Your comments kept me sane on a sad, sad day. I read them each about twenty times, and no doubt will go back to read them again and again in the coming weeks until I come to terms with how things are.

But you know, having this son and this daughter,
I am grateful.



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3 Responses to “You bookend my life. Thank you.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    existere – you and TMD are really blessed and are doing a fantastic job. Those babies of yours… absolutely beautiful!

  2. CJ Says:

    You have two beautiful children. That’s all that matters. They get fed. They gain weight. They grow. HOW that happens is up to you! And you are doing great…just remember that!

  3. Jinxy Says:

    This is such a beautiful post.

    It amazed me when I had Lily just how much I knew her already and in the same breath how much I had yet to learn. I never seems to stop and I kind of like it that way.

    I can’t believe how much your babies have grown already, in that middle picture (which I am guessing is Matthew), he is already starting to look less like a newborn and more like a baby. I hope that makes sense.

    Anyway, I’m always around if you need to talk. love ya

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