Happy almost birthday, Existere.


This is my last day being thirty; tomorrow, I venture properly into this decade of being (allegedly) more confident, sexy, strong. But what a year thirty was.

The day after my 30th birthday, TMD and I did three things: went to the fertility clinic for our initial consultation, went to lunch with Corporate T and Aussie (where I cried and cried about IVF versus IUI), and TMD threw a big ass surprise party for me (the first of my life). That was roughly 365 days ago, and how things have changed.

I can’t believe it, or even understand it, sometimes. Sitting here this afternoon listening to India Arie’s Beautiful Surprise, holding our daughter in my arms, our son safely tucked into his carrycot, thinking about where I am now. TMD hanging up armfuls of muslins, my underwear, her hair slipping out of its ponytail. This is where I would choose to be, again and again.

This time last year we were making sure we knew how to get to the clinic. We were debating when, exactly, we would begin trying to make a baby. Over the last year, I learned how to give myself shots. We got pregnant with twins the first try. I grew hugely pregnant, and then got even bigger. Three and a half weeks ago, we were holding our real live babies in our arms for the first time, suddenly aware of what it meant to have two new people in our lives for the rest of our lives.

This has been a long year; this has been a short year. Individual days have dragged on. In November my ovaries were heavy, in January I was run over, I spent months on our couch. This past year, I felt our son and daughter kicking in my womb. TMD said the same poem over and over to my tummy. I gained pink and purple marks on my belly, I felt hiccups from the inside out.

And in this time, this journey from birthday to birthday, I now somehow have two more people in my family, a deeper appreciation and love for TMD (in our tenth year together…our anniversary was the 15th, just after they were born), and no small amount of wonder at the two beautiful, farty babies that lived inside me for nine months.

Happy birthday to me, tomorrow. But as far as today goes, it’s just about perfect.



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5 Responses to “Happy almost birthday, Existere.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    Happy Birthday, Virgo! Year 30 sounds like a good year…. I hope it only gets better from here!


  2. Jennie Says:

    Happy birthday! It’s amazing how life can completely change in the space of one short year, isn’t it?

  3. HelenEdith Says:

    Happy birthday!

    I’m old enough to be your mother: it’s my birthday next Tuesday and I’ll be 54!

    Having not done the baby thing when I was your age; a week ago, my partner Stephen and I jumped in with both feet and we’re doing the baby pussy-cat thing. That’s scary, too. Those two little balls of fur are going to depend on us for everything for the next 15 years or so… 😯 And they’re not static for their first few months, so things are already having to rise in our house! πŸ˜€ At least we won’t have to think about school uniforms and school fees down the line though! πŸ˜†

  4. Jinxy Says:

    What a wonderful year 30 was for you, with a few bumps but the good outweighs them. I hope each and every year just continue to get better and better.

    Happy birthday!!!

  5. Tatiana Says:

    Crazy year. Wow. You rock.

    And congrats on 10 years with your love :] That’s a huge milestone!

    Give them babies some smooches from their long-distance auntie. If you’re really tired and drooling, give them some sloppy, open-mouthed kisses from Maia. OH JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE EATING THEIR DROOL EVERY DAY.

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