Where I’m at right here, right now.

by

Cookie has sent me some donuts (you expected me to say cookies, didn’t you). I am SO HUNGRY and secretly hoping the donuts have winged their way across the globe in quicktime, because I could probably eat all 16 of them in about 7 minutes. The only issue? How would I answer the fucking door?

I am reading some blogs of people very, very early in twin pregnancy. The horrible part of me is like, ha, wow, you have no idea what’s coming to getcha. Another part of me hopes they aren’t reading my diary and freaking out!

I’ve taken to immediate projectile vomiting as my organs are beyond squashed. Last night getting into the tub, I sort of leaned forward – it was the equivalent of just taking my stomach directly into my bare hands and squeezing after a big meal. Cue chocolate ice cream vomit.

My SPD is a motherfucker as well. Last night while TMD was helping me up off the couch, both my hips just gave out. Felt like they both slid out of socket. I screamed (what MUST the neighbors upstairs think of me?!?) and sort of collapsed – luckily backwards onto the couch. It was quite scary as I could picture myself falling forward, legs spread all screwy, hips fucked, and TMD unable to help. We have agreed that she would just call an ambulance ASAP if that happened, because between the two of us (me the cripple, her the tiny girl) there is no way we could recover from that.

I had a big ol’ weep this morning because it is getting on top of me a bit. I tried to get up off the couch myself this morning, and was very slouched down to get my feet moved over the edge. The next thing I know, I’m like some fat ass turtle who cannot breathe. The babies were pinning me down – so freaking heavy it was unreal, and I could not move or breathe. At this point, I can’t walk, sit up, or change position without help. I am feeling very sorry for myself for having to be home alone, because the simplest things are impossible.

If it gets too cold, I can’t turn off the fan. If I drop something, I cannot pick it up. If I have to pee, I have to take quite a long time to get up, pushing through lots of pain. TMD has suggested that we might call her mum about coming up next week if this doesn’t ease.

I felt like a terrible mother last night (more crying was involved) because I obviously want the babies to stay in as long as possible, but I am ready for the next two months to whiz by. I just could never have anticipated this level of pain and discomfort. I now can’t breathe if I am upright, which is quite a disturbing thing. My reclining position appears to be the best way to stretch out my uterus, give the organs some space, and give my ribs a break. The poor babies probably don’t have much room to move because gravity is sucking them backwards/down, but I’m hoping it isn’t too claustrophobic for them. How are twins not born innately terrified of cramped spaces? I’ll never know.

Felt them a lot yesterday afternoon – particularly Mano – and then nothing really last night. Haven’t had much this morning, so hoping they manage to get some wiggles in. Despite all my hardcore pain (my coxyx…coycx…co… you know what I mean), I fell asleep with the help of a very warm bath about 9:30 pm last night. Of course had my usual pee breaks and things through the night, but slept very hardcore – only woke up when I was on the verge of pissing myself. Got up just before 8 this morning.

I figure I got like nine hours of sleep – this is magnificent. Glorious. Stupendous.

I still feel quite tired. Think I’ve got catching up to do from the hospital! Now I just want to eat, eat, eat and then not make any sudden movements. Ha. I don’t think the donuts are coming today or they would already be here. Maybe tomorrow. Nummy.

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3 Responses to “Where I’m at right here, right now.”

  1. Tatiana Says:

    I find that one of the really hard parts of being a mom is taking care of baby while ALSO taking care of myself. It doesn’t make you a “bad mom” to be tired, achy, overwhelmed, and maybe even a little bit resentful (sometimes I feel like “I do everything for you… why can’t you just [insert request that is reasonable for an adult but irrelevant to an infant]?”).

    I do wish, though, that this wasn’t so difficult on you. It’s hard to come and read about a friend in physical pain. Hug TMD and tell her you love her, I’m sure it’s not easy for her to see you in this state and be unable to make it better.

    Sending lots of good vibes to you all *hugs*

  2. 2momswithaplan Says:

    Wow, my friend, I wish you felt better. If there was just some way to remove the pain while keeping those beautiful babies inside…

    I’m happy that you have TMD there to help you. She sounds like a wonderful support system.

    If anything… when the babies grow to be teenagers and they give you a hard time you can remind them of the pain you went through to have them. That’ll teach them!

  3. Jinxy Says:

    I’m glad you finally got some sleep. It makes all the difference in the world.

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