TMD pointed out I use exclamation points a lot now.


So. Sunday evening had some very, very slight periody type feelings very low down in front. (Also have bad period style cramps in lower back for a couple of weeks now.) Monday morning the cramps were still there, and we weren’t sure if TMD should go into work or what. I finally told her to just go and I would be in touch if they didn’t go away or got worse. She called a few times to check in with me, and by the early afternoon I said I was going to call the hospital. Phoned labour & delivery – told them about cramps, etc, but then they asked follow up questions, and I think it was the ‘discharge’ question that triggered red flags for them.

On Sunday I was pulling my underwear down, and felt that the top left half of my pantyliner was completely soaked through. The underwear on that side was also saturated. I gave it a good sniff (there is no boundary about smelling underwear – or forcing your partner to – when you are pregnant. Just so you know.) and it didn’t smell like pee. But I had a similar thing happen at 19 weeks and nothing else happened.

I have found, believe it or not, that the more pregnant I have gotten, the more calm I have been about niggles and things. So I put on new knickers/pantyliner (or rather TMD did, because if you think I can put on my own panties you are WRONG) and sat around for about an hour. Lots more sniffing and touching of the pad, and no more leaking. So I didn’t really think twice about this. The hospital had another view though and said I needed to come in to see if my waters were leaking or had broken.


Went in, got monitored (for babies’ heartbeats, movements, and my contractions), and then needed a pelvic exam to check if it was my waters. Let me say that pre-pregnancy, putting a speculum in me was nothing. Well, this exam was a little more uncomfortable. Sore. Mildly painful. With my eyes squeezed shut and lots of hissing, indrawn breaths, I managed to get through it. I think it is a measure of how much it hurt that I wasn’t even slightly amused that they spread me open with the speculum and then used a GIANT flashlight to peer inside. The doctor also made me cough, and she pulled The Pain Giver out of me and showed me all the white discharge she had collected. She said my waters had not broken (I could have fucking told you that, and I don’t have a medical degree).

I asked if my cervix was still tight and she said it was. I also asked if an exam like this could aggravate my cervix and initiate preterm labour. She said it couldn’t. Doctor also did a quick scan to see what positions the babies were lying in – Mano still breech, left side lower down. Torre still transverse, but her head now on the right side.

Went in to the toilet for a pee, and then couldn’t remember if I was in delivery room 3 or 4 (two rooms to one toilet). Then I heard god awful screaming from room 3. Went back into the room and told TMD that from that woman’s screams alone, I was convinced epidurals were probably awesome. We sat around a few more minutes for them to write up my charts, listened to some more bloodcurdling screams (and then a gratifying sound: a baby crying), and went home.

I got into the bath, noted that my vagina felt like it was falling out of me, didn’t think anything else of it. A few hours later, went for a pee. It was dark, but I clearly saw Something Bad on the toilet paper. Called for TMD to turn on light – yes, light pink streaks on paper. Wiped again and this time there was a bright red splotch on the paper – a final wipe, more pink. Called the hospital, was told to bring an overnight bag and come in.

My emotions went completely dead and numb. I was shaking all over really badly, but only noticed my legs because TMD was worried I was going to fall over. She made me sit down while she made sure I had stuff to take into hospital. (Thankfully had already begun packing my hospital bag, so most stuff was sorted.) Couldn’t stop shaking, and we went into hospital.

A very nice midwife asked how much blood there was, etc. A doctor came in very quickly and said she needed to visualise my cervix to see if blood was coming from there. I told her the earlier exam had hurt and I was very nervous. She was super and talked me through relaxing, really took her time, I focused on breathing, etc. Managed to let her get the speculum in, though I was making stuck pig noises. When she moved it slightly to get the torch, I yelled and involuntarily kicked out. She and the midwife both leapt away from the bed!

The doctor pulled the speculum out and asked if she could have a feel with her fingers. I agreed. (Why, god, why? NEVER AGREE.)  This was semi-okay, but eventually the pain won out and she stopped the exam again. Her hand had quite a lot of blood on it. Also couldn’t get a lower vaginal swab as the pussymonster was not happy. Had some blood drawn for various reasons, including a full blood count, blood type and rhesus factor in case I needed a transfusion if I had a further bleed (!), etc.

The midwife was lovely and said that I should have been warned that pelvic exams cause spotting in most pregnant women – and that while I would have still had to come in to be checked, at least I wouldn’t have had to worry. In fact, every midwife I saw said this should have been explained to me. So, apparently the first doctor – as well as mutilating vaginas as a hobby – also has not made a habit of passing on routine information. The second doctor was very reassuring and said that the bleed was minute. She also said that while her hand had looked bloody, it really was a very small amount of blood. She said she was going to play it safe and admit me, as hospital policy said I needed to stay in for 24 hours. She said she might have let me go home had she been able to definitively assess the cervix, but obviously that didn’t happen.

The midwife then asked if I had already had steroid shots for the babies. I hadn’t. You see, babies born before 34 weeks have ‘sticky lungs’ that make it difficult for them to inflate properly after birth. Two steroid injections (takes 24 hours to absorb) are used to help mature and develop the lungs in case they come early. These steroids last for six weeks, so by the time the medication had worn off, the babies would have mature lungs anyway.

It was a bit scary to think that they thought I needed these shots, but eh. Had a shot deep in my hip (two and a half inch needle! Happy to say my IVF training meant I didn’t even fucking blink.) Went to the toilet – no more screams from neighboring room this time, but clearly audible murder screams from end of hallway – and pantyliner was COVERED in brown blood. Also pink streaking when wiped. Midwife said the doctor had probably knocked loose blood from earlier.

Admitted to ward about 12:30 am – got a private room as I am an official cripple due to SPD!! It was right across from the toilets, so that was good. Very nice as far as hospital rooms go. TMD helped me change and get settled in, then she left for the evening. I didn’t sleep the whole night. Went pee at 3 am, teeny tiny pink spot on toilet paper, minute spot on pantyliner. Pee at seven, no more blood anywhere. Midwife on duty laughed and said I didn’t need to scrutinise paper, as she said the sort of blood to worry about is that which is immediately obvious.

Babies monitored again. Happy to say my blood pressure was also right back down to what it was when I booked. Suspect this is because every time my bp has been checked it’s either when I am rushed to hospital and worried, or when I have been travelling to GP and in pain. So I think my bp is probably incredibly healthy the rest of the time!! Babies still okay. Doctor did rounds and said I needed another night. TMD was there from 8-1 and 3-8:30, with the bit in the middle when she nipped out to bring me back pizza.

In the afternoon ended up being monitored again as I had had a contraction. It was boiling hot in the fucking room, and I had my skirt pulled up to my crotch (don’t worry, pictures are coming!), and my tank top pulled up right under my boobs. My bump felt funny and I looked at it – it completely fucking changed shape. Like the sides pulled in, and it grew an inch or two taller. The whole thing was like concrete. So….monitoring. Had one minor contraction while it was on, but nothing of note or worth worrying about. Both babies were still happy.

Spent most of the day staring at the wall, so tired and hot it was unbelieveable. The midwife came into the the lower vadge swab late in the afternoon, after reassuring me that it was super thin and taken just inside the vaginal entrance so should cause no pain. It lasted about half a second and I was in agonies! She was very surprised and apologetic. I am happy she witnessed me getting the intramuscular steroid injection in my thigh – she kept saying it was going to be very painful, horrible, etc – and again, no blinking. So clearly I CAN tolerate pain, and my vagina is just sore sore sore. She said, ‘It shouldn’t be so sore.’ I said, ‘Your colleagues broke it.’

Later in the afternoon I apparently looked like hell and she came in to check on me. I started crying about how fucking tired I was. Then – was I DRUNK? – I started thanking her profusely for being the best midwife we had had. She really was; she took the time to explain everything she was doing, why she was doing it, and what the results meant. This is so valuable and appreciated.

By Tuesday evening I felt pretty confident I would be allowed home on Wednesday, as there had been no further bleeding. More listening in to babies, reminding me to tell them if I contracted, etc. Was also proscribed codeine for SPD pain, but midwife said I should avoid if possible as it can constipate – and full rectums can make SPD worse and childbirth more difficult.

At this point, she said the cramping could be very, very early signs of labour, SPD, or just the normal preparations of the body for childbirth. She said she didn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t go till 34 weeks. The doctor said full term was very unlikely for twins, and most women delivered at 37/38 weeks. He said if I went to 36/37 weeks that would be brilliant, with 34 as a minimum.

Happy to say I managed a few hours broken sleep on Tuesday night – felt like a million bucks as a result. My SPD pain was rapidly getting worse thanks to the hospital bed, and am now on regular meds, need a wheelchair for anything more than a few steps, and virtually cannot walk at all even with my crutches. Don’t see any choice BUT to use them to get to kitchen/bathroom as a girl has to pee and eat!! Bad pain though.

Wednesday morning more monitoring – of course. Was told that mild period pains were fine and I didn’t need to call in, but I should not allow them to get ‘severe’. So essentially I called the hospital for nothing, and ended up with four painful vagina invasions, SPD declining, spotting, etc. NICE. Was reassured I had done the right thing by calling, as twin labours can come on early and be quite quick. I’m also pleased I got the steroids, and now just focused on staying still, rested, and hydrated for 8 more weeks!!

The babies are interesting. Torre still very, very high – right in my ribs now. So the rib pain back with a vengeance. Also breathing is becoming a treat. Imagine sitting where you are now, but with a bookshelf inside your stomach. Now imagine that bookshelf being pushed higher and higher, until it is directly at the bottom of your boobies and still pushing upwards. All of this is ‘normal’ twin pain, though, so I’m okay with that. Doctor said I would be having increasing pain, and that it was normal with twins to now have cramping, contractions, etc for the rest of the pregnancy. He also repeated the friendly thing every medical professional I have seen says – twin pregnancies hurt and I will feel pain no woman who has only had one will feel. Gee, thanks.

I think Mano may have shifted positions last night, as I felt the sort of slow motion intense movements I felt when Torre swapped over. Part of me was terrified he was going head down, as the pelvic exams have actually really scared me – if I can’t handle that, how can I push two babies out my snatch? Seriously. On the upside, I’m now feeling very positive about the whole recommended epidural for twin mummies thing!

I think that’s virtually everything. Got home yesterday, took a very warm bath and passed out in it, screamed as I hobbled to the couch, passed out again. Slept very good last night – think I got a solid four hours. Happy and relieved to be home. Having some mild cramping and tightenings today, but compared to those vaginal exams nothing is bad.

I think my tiny oasis of calm pregnancy is finished now. Once I hit 24 weeks, it was a relief. Once I hit 28 weeks, I edged into the territory where twins can come and obviously preterm labour is still my biggest worry. STAY INSIDE, BABIES. IT IS NICE IN THERE.

Love to you all.

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4 Responses to “TMD pointed out I use exclamation points a lot now.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    Wow… I am so happy all is ok! Stay babies… stay and grow! *rubbin that belly from a distance*

  2. Tatiana Says:

    Stay strong girl, you can deliver babies vaginally – women have been doing it since the beginning of time.

    So funny that you heard a woman (or two) giving birth… it’s pretty animalistic eh? When my MIL came to see Maia being born, she arrived pretty much just as I started to push and uh… she later told me she could hear me BEFORE the elevator doors even opened, and we live in an apartment at the end of the hall! Don’t worry, your hormones go crazy, your adrenaline races, and all you care about is getting that IMMENSE weight in your pelvis OUT!

    Fuck, I’m so excited. I hope babies stay put awhile longer but seriously, I’m delighted at the thought of them arriving!

  3. Juice-ica Says:

    Glad to know you & the babies are all okay. Crossing my fingers that they stay put for a while longer. VERY excited to see them in a couple months though. ^_^

  4. Jinxy Says:

    Any bleeding during pregnancy is scary. I had some and the upside (besides everything being fine) was extra ultrasounds.

    Again I’m glad everything is ok or as ok as things can be with all that pain.

    Reading about your pregnancy has got me very curious about my Mom’s pregnancy with my twin sisters. I think I’m going to call her this weekend and harass her with a ton of questions. This should be fun.

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