True pregnancy dreams – about labour, babies, and aliens.


Haven’t had any crazy pregnant-lady dreams lately, and last night I was graced with three disturbing ones in a row. No doubt this is due to the little scare we had last night wondering if my waters were leaking. I don’t think they are, but you know me: worry, worry, worry. My ‘little right spot’ (you know, the whole undiagnosed fake appendicitis, burst cyst thing) was also hurting last night.

Dream one: I was in an elevator and lifted my shirt to show someone the baby movements. Then I clearly saw a distinctive hand pressing against the skin. As I was being all gawky and awe striken, the hand kept getting more defined until I could see the wrinkles in each individual finger. Yes, then the baby CAME OUT through my stomach. It was a giant black baby who instantly started rooting for my nipple. I was like, ‘No, you can’t eat! You have to go back in my stomach!’ He was also GIANT FAT HUGE, and said to me, ‘Please stop eating.’

He wouldn’t go back in, so I decided to take him to the hospital. Somewhere between the elevator and the hospital, the baby shrunk down and I put him into a little tupperware box with no lid. He also suddenly had five or six babies of his own – they looked like mini Beanie Babies from McDonald’s, but they were alive. He promptly ate the frog.

This baby ALSO turned into a little alien, with one eye in the middle of his forehead. (Because of course, why wouldn’t a frog-eating baby that magically pushed itself through my stomach skin also be an alien in disguise?) I was very worried about keeping him (and his babies) warm and dry.

As I arrived in the hospital, I realised the staff would probably have me committed because the babies (?) in my little plastic box looked like stuffed toys. A nurse walked up to me and, again, I lifted my shirt to show how the other one was still moving. And yes, she pushed her hand out, then emerged.

Fin dream one.

Woke up around three, went pee, checked my knickers, went back to bed.

Dream two? HORRIFIC.

I was having bad cramping in my lower abdomen, and when I went to the toilet I called out for TMD in a panic as there was blood in my underwear and on the toilet paper when I wiped. I was wearing a long nightgown, blood dripping down, and I ran through the hospital screaming, ‘Somebody help me! I’m only 29 weeks with twins and I’m bleeding!’

The blood kept coming in drips and drabs, and the staff didn’t tell me what was going on. Eventually it became clear they were going to deliver the babies via c section immediately. As they wheeled me to the surgery (me still feeling intense cramping, contractions, a baby’s head against my cervix, and an incredible need to push), I felt slightly amazed that my body knew just what to do – when to push, how to breathe, etc.

Then the nurse stopped before a display of leaflets – about organ donation. Just the thing you want to see when you are being wheeled in for major surgery, eh? (I should pause to say that last night I told TMD I was afraid of being pregnant in case it made me die. There is no need for logic in the evenings: that’s the new rule.) I pushed myself away from them, saying I didn’t want to think about organ donation now, and that TMD knew my wishes if anything happened.

Then I was wheeled into an operating theatre that had shit tons of beds – the area they had me go into had a CORPSE covered by a sheet being wheeled out and into a connecting door. Oh, yes, it was handy. The operating room joined up with a giant funeral parlour.

So there I am, still bleeding and in pain. The surgeon offered me some olives on bread to keep my strength up, I’m telling them that  TMD needs to be in there for the births, etc etc. It just dragged on and on – including a nice juicy shot of stitches falling out of my vagina.

Woke up at six to pee, noticed I had cramping, freaked out mildly as I wondered if I had been cramping badly in real life and that’s why I dreamed about it. Decided to lie there for awhile and just see what happened.

Well, you guessed it. I feel back asleep.

The third dream involved me telling TMD to sleep with men, and then getting really upset when she did it. It’s more complex than that, but don’t really feel like getting into it. It was disturbing, but in a completely different way than the premature labour/bleeding/surgery/impending death dream. Whereas the first dream was a bit kooky and worrying, yes, but when I woke up I sort of found it amusing as it was clearly a ‘pregnant’ dream.


That’s it on the dream front. I fucking hate it when other people write about their dreams in their blogs, so commendations if you actually read this. Woke up for real around 8, with cramping that I finally decided was actually in my lower back. Little right pain still minorly there, but uh.

I think I am feeling insecure about being home alone when dodgy things are happening, especially because both TMD and the hospital are so far away – and in opposite directions.

In other news, however, I had the brainstorm to wear my Florida bikini top in lieu of being braless or being choked by the vicelike grip of my current bras. (Remeasured and have transformed into a 44 C.) This pink bikini top is magic as it is all ties – so I can determine the band tightness. Plus it puts me in a party mood, with my flirty little pink tie behind my neck.


Can you hear the crazy chanting: welcome to my mind, this is the shit my brain thinks about when I am asleep. It is like being trapped in ‘It’s a Small World’ at Disney World for months at a time. Looney tunes.


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5 Responses to “True pregnancy dreams – about labour, babies, and aliens.”

  1. Tatiana Says:

    omg, you crack me up.

    I like when people write about their dreams if they’re this amusing! Magical shrinking baby was hilaaarious.

    “I felt slightly amazed that my body knew just what to do – when to push, how to breathe, etc.” – it’s true 🙂 have faith in yourself!

  2. 2momswithaplan Says:

    That first dream had me laughing at loud! And even though you were dealing with mulitple little babies you still did a fabulous job!

    The second dream was indeed scary. I’m sure you were very tense while dreaming which is what caused the cramping afterwards.

    The third dream… even though you didn’t provide detail – was something similiar to my dreams. There are times when I have dreams about Holly leaving me or cheating on me. I will usually wake up mad at her or crying.

  3. Jinxy Says:

    I like reading about other people’s dreams, it makes mine seem more normal.

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