one, two, three, four, come on baby, say you love me. five, six, seven ti-imes.

by

one

Not last night but the night before (ten thousand pirates came knockin’ at my door) I was sitting on the toilet in a rage. No, not at poop this time. I don’t know what did it, but we were sniping at each other and I swear on all that is holy (Mexican food, blank journals, the smell of rain) that TMD went ‘meh meh meh’ in the other room. You know, like a child goes ‘nah nah nah nah naaaaaaaaaaaah nah.’

I went apeshit. I was crying, and TMD came into the bathroom trying to comfort me. I screamed at her to stay the hell away from me, as I would punch her. She didn’t take me seriously and kept advancing. I held my hand palm out and growled, ‘Seriously. Back the fuck away from me. How DARE you “meh meh meh” me.’

I collapsed into another pile of sobs. When she came closer, I swatted at her with the ten page baby ‘magazine’ I was holding (more of a glorified leaflet). I hit her two times on the side with this piece of paper, before breaking into hysterical crying.

A small part of me knew this was colossally insane and pointless, and perhaps laughable. A larger part of me wanted to squash her like a fly. This was my first true bout with anger this pregnancy, as opposed to just crying and feeling sorry for myself on occasion.

Hormones rock.

two

Last night I was itching like a fucking maniac everywhere. Not just my painfully thin bump skin, but backs of legs, under boobs, head, front of legs, feet, arms, lower back, ass, eyeballs. Everywhere. I couldn’t stop itching (and crying and yelling, alternatively). TMD was quite worried and said I should get ‘that enzyme test.’ Because apparently when you’re pregnant, it’s normal to have an itchy bump. But itching elsewhere? Can be a sign of an enzyme problem that is easily correctable but needs to be diagnosed by a blood test. Think it has relatively serious consequences if not treated, but couldn’t swear to that.

Much less itchy this morning, thank fuck.

You know what I think it is? Suffocation. My skin wants, needs, air. That belly bra, while superb, is sort of like wearing a swimsuit under your clothes all the time. (Thanks to TMD for that particularly asphixiated image.) And if I’m not wearing that, at night I have a belly band on….though have stopped doing this as feel all buttoned up and Victorian.

Was also thinking about my vagina. On December 3, 2008 I had egg collection – from that point, for over three months, I had to take pessaries. These are messy and dribbly, and you’d better believe I wore knickers and pantyliners the whole time. I don’t know if there was a brief interlude of being underpantless after that, but I suspect not as by then the whole pissing myself everytime I moved would have kicked in. Or at least the nice white discharge that pregnancy brings (an interesting smell, but I suppose you don’t need to know that).

So my vagina’s last happy month was last November. That is a long time for round-the-clock cootchie covering, let me tell you. Also my new giant fat lady underwear means half my stomach is covered all the time, whether I wear belly bras or not…fuck, I’m getting itchy just thinking about this.

My arms generally don’t itch – and I wear tank tops every day. Surprise, surprise. Last night I also pulled my underwear down and the tank top up, allowing The Bump to have full access to the arctic gale the fan creates. (Arctic to TMD, a hot gentle breeze to me).

I think I am just ‘the most’ at bedtime. The most uncomfortable, the most sensitive to every crinkle in the sheets/pillows, the most frustrated, the most tearful, the most sure I will never sleep again. The most tired, in other words. Because we all know I am also THE MOST pregnant.

I am getting uncomfortable now. Like big ass pregnant lady uncomfortable, not to be mixed up with the other various ‘discomforts’ I experience. Me a big, biiiiiiiiiig girl.

Want to post pics I took yesterday, but am terrified of various viruses this computer has getting onto my memory card. Stay tuned.

three

In the theme of triplets, had lotsa movement in all four corners of the bump/globe yesterday. TMD pointed out that the babies are very big now, so that could explain it.

If there was a bump decorating contest, I would quite like a very realistic portion of the globe to be painted on mine. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

No flair exist in the following categories: hormones, mood swing, mood swings, PMS. Why the fuck not?? Oh, wait, it’s me. No flair will come up for any of my searches. This is Facebook saying MEH MEH MEH to me, isn’t it.

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3 Responses to “one, two, three, four, come on baby, say you love me. five, six, seven ti-imes.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    Ugh… sounds rough. The itching… the moodswings… Sorry things aren’t going better for you.

  2. Jinxy Says:

    I’m sorry but you are so cute. You are so pregnant its funny.

    The itching sounds horrible. I have an unspecific dermatitis condition and have various little itchy spots most of the time. I can’t imagine being itchy ALL over.

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