God wants you to make sandwiches.


Bleary eyed, I looked at the book TMD had put by the side of the toilet. It was 101 Tips to Be a Great Mom – courtesy of the latest love package from my mother. TMD had stuck a note on the cover:


TMD yelled from the kitchen, ‘Did you see the book I put by the toilet?’ She skipped into the bathroom and said, ‘It’s like this: Tip 78. Make your child a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it’s a great way to show you care.’

Then her voice morphed into a deep toned, demonic sound and she boomed out, ‘Plus, God loves peanut butter and jelly.’

You can imagine the fun we had with this. We’re left wondering if Mom just picked up a book and looked at the first few pages (nothing about God on the cover or first five tips. Sneaky Christian publications!) and thought it looked nice….or if this is another step in her efforts to convince us of God’s glory.

I’d rather have the pb&j, personally.


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6 Responses to “God wants you to make sandwiches.”

  1. 2momswithaplan Says:

    Looks like something my mom would give me…. 😉

  2. Megs Says:

    I love your Mom/God stories! Your mom and mine can start a club called “Catholics who have eventually come to terms with their daughters being gay but will never, ever stop trying to save their souls” I had this conversation with my mom on Mothers Day:
    Me: I might go to Farron’s (cousin’s son) first communion in June
    Mom: You will be going to church?
    Me: Technically, yes.
    Mom: Will you be taking communion?
    Me: Eh, depends if I want a snack.
    Mom: God will smite you down.
    A few minutes later, out of nowhere my mother decided that I should definitely go, because I “could use the forgiveness.” We know they only do it because they love us. :o)

    • existere Says:

      ‘God will smite you down’ ?!?!?!? GOD WILL SMITE YOU DOWN.

      I think I want to keep saying that over and over until it is part of my daily usage. Like, ‘You took the last chip? God will smite you down, mofo.’

  3. Jenny Says:

    LOL!!!! That’s hilarious – both the belly button and the book!

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