To twin or not to twin, that is the question.

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I have been noticing more and more than I refer to Mano and Torre as ‘the babies’ rather than ‘the twins.’ I don’t know. TMD and I are both very keen for it to be recognised that each baby is a unique person and should be recognised as such, rather than always lumped in as ‘a twin.’ At the same time, I don’t want to squash the fact that they are twins, and actually, that’s a pretty special thing.

About the only time I use the word ‘twins’ is when I am telling people I’m pregnant with more than one baby. In this sense, using the label of twins in a generic sense, rather than specically referring to the actual babies currently practicing gymnastics in my womb. I’m going to have to think more about this, as I think language has a lot of power. At the very least, the way I am referring to them gives me clues as to how I think about them – do I think because they were conceived via IVF that they are ‘less’ twin-like? The words that we use to describe things can heavily influence not only how we feel about them, but what others think/feel.

In some ways, ‘twin’ will always be at the forefront of their identity. But sometimes I think about the fact that if we’re out with both babies (without the double pram), people may make an assumption that it’s one baby per woman. Anyway. I wanted to be eloquent about this, but my thinking is still quite jumbled – and Aussie called in the middle of the entry, so my flow is diverted.

I’m off to find a dentist.

Any thoughts on this are welcomed.

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6 Responses to “To twin or not to twin, that is the question.”

  1. Megs Says:

    I like that you think about these things. They are just as much twins as any other dizygotic twins, natural or IVF, but are just as similar/different as any two siblings, genetically. So yeah, it is a different sort of twin-ness, compared to identical twins! But just like you say, they are both unique individuals, but they shared a womb, and will share many life experiences simultaneously which is very special. However you decide to refer to them, as long as you dont dress them matching or name them rhyming names, they won’t hate you for exploiting their twin-ness and they will therefore probably embrace it! :o)

    • existere Says:

      I don’t mind the whole non-identical thing. It makes for a safer pregnancy, anyway!! The only ‘matching’ outfits I have been tempted by are ‘thing 1’ and ‘thing 2’ t shirts. I have not bought them, though…

  2. Jinxy Says:

    My little (OMG they turn 30 this year) sisters are twins. My mom was much against them being referred to as “the twins” because she wanted to celebrate their individualness. And let me tell you for identicals they are very different. So we never referred to them as the twins unless it was descriptive. But to other people I have always been “the twin’s sister”.

  3. Katie Says:

    Two eggs, same uterine wall, doesn’t matter how they got there, I don’t think that makes them less twins. I think maybe we just think of identical twins differently than we think about fraternal twins. And, as far as that goes, we had a pair of two week old identical boys come in for portraits in matching outfits, after half an hour of helping the parents buy baby pictures, I knew which twin was which.

    I went to middle school with a set of fraternal boy/girl twins. Half the time, no one ever knew Tom and Rachel were even related because their last name was pretty common. She had blond hair, he had brown, he was tall and skinny, she wasn’t. They never got the twin treatment very often at all- they were two people who happened to share a birthday.

    There are plenty of people who don’t know that non-twins aren’t identical kids. Heck, my mother-in-law has assigned her four grandsons the same roles she assigned her four children. The oldest one is the troublemaker, the second one is the good one, the third is the dumb one and the forth is spoiled; this isn’t remotely accurate for the grandkids, and not really accurate for the kids. I knew a girl whose mom was always trying to make her play volleyball because her older sister had done it. Teachers made assumptions about my brother all the time because they’d had me three years before and assumed he was me in boy form.

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