‘Your urine is so clear – did you pour it from a bottle?’ -Second fave thing she said.


Had 22 week midwife appointment today (I’m 22 weeks 2 days, for those of you without a calender of my pregnancy hanging on your wall).

I asked about 6,432 questions. I think the favourite thing I said was, ‘My final two questions: orgasms and poop.’

My least favourite thing the midwife said was that orgasms are now verbodden on account of the whole twin thing. The best thing she said was, ‘OH, your partner is female. I don’t want to be offensive, but that might explain why you asked about orgasms. None of my patients with male partners seem interested in sex at all, or like they have orgasms.’ (How is this offensive to me? If anything, it’s offensive to kickin’ ladies with male partners who enjoy the lovvvvvvvvvemaking.)

So….lesbians have better sex. It’s official and branded so by Marie. (Pronounced ‘Mary.’) Bless her.

Let’s see, other stuff. She confirmed I can only go ahead with a vaginal delivery if both babies are headdown. Boo sucks. Also said I might not feel Torre as much as she suspects Mano is crowding Torre a bit. She couldn’t tell what their presentation was, but it was pretty funny feeling – I could feel the babies getting pushed around by her. She also measured my uterine height – first time that has happened.

Am I pregnant or WHAT. Tape measures on my tummy. Good times. I am measuring big (of course) but not as big as I suspected. The ol’ uterus is 25 cm. As per usual, Torre was nice and still for heart checking, but Mano was elusive. Perhaps this is linked to the amount of room they each have in the womb. Hopefully they will grow more or less evenly. I sometimes wonder if all this lying on my left side is affecting anything.

In other news, I spend all my time on eBay hitting refresh to see if I have been outbid on a Tiny Love playmat – the deluxe gymani lights & sound or something like that. We want this mofo, and I have lost about 4 auctions of it already. Cross your fingers for us/it/the babies!!

My camp-related job has offered me a bit of at home work, so at least it can fund some of these baby purchases. Like two cheap ones. Ha. We are getting to the point where we need to purchase expensive furniture and shit, and that makes it scary to make big decisions because it’s all much more bank-account-ruining and serious. Updates later.


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One Response to “‘Your urine is so clear – did you pour it from a bottle?’ -Second fave thing she said.”

  1. Megs Says:

    Two words: Baby. Shower.

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