Archive for March, 2009

Belly pics – 18 weeks 4 days. (Three days ago.)

March 31, 2009

I look bigger when viewed from the left side, but…here’s some right side goodness. Taken March 28, 18 weeks 4 days pregnant with the babies. (Before house arrest and worry kicked in. See entry below for some details.)




The update to end all updates?

March 31, 2009

I’m typing whilst lying on my side, laptop balanced on my right sideways leg. Not the easiest thing, so this will be short.

I went to the doctor’s today. It was an appointment made for the hip/back pain, but about two days ago I started having deep stabbing pains in my vagina. Apparently this is ’round ligament pain.’

I have been signed off work, effective immediately. I don’t think I will be going back. Five months of bedrest, people.

Five months.

The Bump does seem to have grown exponentially in the last two weeks.

March 29, 2009

Just a very quick hello this morning, as I’m about to go into the bedroom and start getting rid of clothing that I never wore before being pregnant and will never wear after being pregnant.

We went to a housewarming party last night, and everyone looked at me like I was about to just go into labour. TMD joked this morning that they were boiling water in the kitchen – just in case. Given that my worst fear is premature labour, I’m taking this all suprisingly well. After all, it’s because I am the lady with the biggest bump in any room. Most of the time, anyway.

A friend who we haven’t seen or really talked to in a year (he was off walking across the country on his own two feet for much of the time) asked if I was ‘still’ working – implying that I was so unbelieveably huge he wasn’t sure how I could get out of the door in the mornings. He also thought I was on maternity leave already. When I told him I was ‘only eighteen weeks’ (a stock phrase of this week, it would seem), his jaw literally dropped. I’ve never seen that happen before. I also noticed the room got a bit quiet and everyone was looking at my stomach.

At one point when I got up to use the toilet, a bunch of people in the kitchen were commenting on my waddle and how fucking huge I was.

I love this now, because I have always always always wanted to be the one with The Bump, but I have to admit it worries me. I don’t think I’m THAT big (although I broke down this morning, wondering if I genuinely can manage another 9 weeks of work) – at least compared with how I will be. TMD said, ‘Yes, but you have no point of reference.’  She comes home daily to compare my bump with one of her co-workers – we’re apparently the same size and that lady’s gonna pop very soon.

So. Question of the week, the century, the span of space and time: How big WILL I get?

Pictures to shortly follow.

18 weeks 3 days pregnant.

March 27, 2009

I woke up three times last night literally screaming in pain. TMD did a pretty good impression this morning of my screaming, as well as the nonsensical yelling I did at her during Incident #2.

(Her: Can I help you? Me: Take care of your paper! Her: What? Me: TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABIES, AND THEN TAKE CARE OF MINE!) yeah.

My hips are entering a whole new world of badness. Walking to work today was like some kind of punishment. I do believe I need to make an appointment to see my doctor about my back and hips, because sweet jesus something ain’t right. I know it will mean a referral to a specialist pregnancy physiotherapist – which feels like a joke because I am still attending physio for my stupid knee. I never do the exercises. Still, I’ve googled this pelvic displacement thing and it is pretty fucking scary, so am more motivated to try to sort things out.

In other news, I AM SO EXCITED!

For the first time, a stranger has started a conversation with me about my pregnancy. I have been waiting and wondering why no one has been obnoxious and trying to touch my bump or trade horror stories about pregnancy with me. And now it has happened! While it seems nice now, I wonder what I will think in another month.

I just got onto the train last night and lowered myself into a seat – probably exhaling loudly. A few minutes later, this voice in my ear said, ‘You know you can apply for a free upgrade to first class when you’re pregnant, right?’ We ended up in a conversation that lasted the entire trip home – not hard to do when you are talking to The Woman Who Won’t Shut Up. Still, I loved it!

And this morning I went to go get my iron/folic acid prescription, a lady in front of me happened to turn and see me. She immediately grabbed her toddler’s arm and said, ‘Stay away from the lady! AWAY! Don’t go near that lady!’

While I was wondering if I had somehow accidentally strapped a hunting knife to my coat or something, she smiled apologetically at me and said, ‘He has chickenpox and you’re pregnant. I don’t want you to get anything. ‘ Her son looked at me and she howled, ‘AWAY! Away from the lady!’ She dragged him to the other end of the counter while I tried to thank her over her yelling.

This is the second occasion in two weeks where I have been near a chickenpoxy kid. Thank god for my organic hand sanitiser that smells like heaven, hey?

I think I am going to order in pizza for lunch today. While I know that is a ridiculous thing to do at work, I forgot to buy a sandwich to bring in to work and there is no way I can do any walking to a cafe or whatever. In fact, I may google the local Domino’s now.


In every sense of the word. (Is there more than one sense? I am inclined to say yes. Or that is is applicable to many things in this entry, aside from the crippling hip/back pain.)

Its own entry? Really?

March 27, 2009

2momswithaplan and Tatiana: I left longish response comments in response to YOUR comments yesterday. I’m glad to see that 2momswithaplan is also slightly irresponsible, lucky, and believing in the good in people – though I know I won’t be hopping into any other people’s cars again soon!

Noteable quoteables.

March 26, 2009

Two things happened today. I guess that’s not strictly true, as I have been dancing (hurriedly) from one moment to the next today. But:

This morning I took a taxi to the train station, as TMD had to go into work early. When I arrived, a small crowd of people were standing around. A woman staring at the ground, a couple in animated (and irritated) discussion, a guy in a business suit looking at his watch. I opened the taxi door and my little platform attendant friend informed me there were no trains running today.

I promptly offered to split a cab to the next station along with the business man. He then said he was driving, and I (what is WRONG with me?) asked him if I could go with him. I think this isn’t because I’m a pushy, risk-taking bitch, but because he looked like a nice guy who was semi-offering to be helpful.

As we were walking towards his car, I was sort of appalled at myself. Getting in a car with *gasp* a stranger? When I was pregnant and responsible for not only my life, but the lives of our two children?

I climbed in the car anyway. And guess what? He turned out to be the nicest, lovliest guy in the world. I found out that his wife and him had the same antenatal consultant that TMD and I have – an oddity, surely, since this hospital is based in city remote from the train station city OR the city we ended up in after our little drive.

So I found out the goods on this consultant – apparently a top consultant in the entire country. My friendly business man told me about his wive’s miscarriages, I told him about my uterus. He asked how TMD and I had decided  who would carry the babies. I asked him if the consultant would be the one to deliver all of our babies.

Altogether pleasant and life-affirming, this little meeting, unlike my usual surreal train encounters.


I told a client today I was expecting twins after not seeing her for months and months. She said, ‘You aren’t that big, are you? I was about the big with one when I was near the end.’

I said, ‘I’m 18 weeks.’

My client raised her eyebrows, looked at my stomach, and said, ‘Oh. Oh.

…sun glinting off a river…leather couches.

March 25, 2009

In an altogether awkward, reflective mood today. Had a bad night last night, and a badish morning today. Every now and then these little bubbles of the unpleasant and unexpected pop up, and I wonder where they have come from and when they will go away again.

I also am thinking about my grandmother today. A few days ago my mother emailed me in response to my bump pictures and said, ‘I hope grandma can see you.’ I didn’t know what she was talking about – she was grandma, and hadn’t she just seen all the photos? TMD said, ‘She means YOUR grandma.’ A surge of something came over me – guilt for not remembering, loss for what I/she/TMD/the babies are missing, warmth at her memory.

This morning Chirp wrote to me about my grandmother, out of nowhere – with a quote of what she thinks my grandma would say about all these babies. It made me smile, and tear up a little.

The Polish Catholic part of me, the part of me who just started reading Eat, Pray, Love today (thank you, Tia!), thought for just a second – is this my grandmother trying to come through to me? Twice mentioned in one week after a too long absence? Then the pragmatic part of me briskly slapped me about the face and told me to gather myself in, to be real.

Today I am in the office for a little while in the morning, then lay down/eat lunch for an hour, then travel across the city to go to an afternoon training. It’s in a big, iconic building that every tourist will have seen – right along the river. I’m going to push myself out of the crowded public transport system and wind my way to the river, walking along the banks to go to the training. While it’s a slightly longer route and walking is not my friend these days, I long to see the sun bounce off the river, to see all the crowds, to walk along and marvel that I, plain old Existere from a countryish background in an ordinary backdrop, now live in this (mostly) extraordinary country.

Here’s hoping the sun cooperates.

After the training I’d like to find myself a little hole to curl up in with this book, sometimes reading and sometimes thinking about my very slipped Buddhist practice. My mother and I had a conversation last week where she told me to pray to God with  my worries, that everything was out of human control anyway. I said I thought most things were actually our choices, actions, etc.  We came to a somewhat happy compromise – an altogether interesting thing to happen when our spiritual views are (I think, anyway) far apart.

But whoever you pray to, whatever you believe or don’t believe, I suspect many things are actually one and the same. TMD’s strong atheism makes me nervous, people who are strongly religious make me nervous. I’m just here on my little island, wondering and curious and hopeful and pessimistic.

All things considered, though, I’m doing okay.

Something I read today:

March 24, 2009

At 18 weeks pregnant, a twin mommy’s uterus is twice the size of a singleton’s.

Perhaps that explains why I am wearing a bump band, a bump belt – and I still have excruciating back pain. Not constant, more like a rollercoaster ride featuring shocks of pain down my right ass cheek/leg every now and then. AWESOME.

Mirror dreams.

March 23, 2009

I woke up and told TMD my dream this morning:

I had given birth to a little girl (suprisingly pain free), and was still waiting for the boy to come. We waited quite a long time, because she was like a day old before he arrived. For some reason, she did not look like a newborn, but much older – and for some reason, I was feeding her bacon. When I remembered her age, TMD and I decided I really ought to try breastfeeding.

I breastfed very successfully – no pain or anything, she got enough to eat. Then the boy came along and I fed him as well – he was almost choking  he was gulping the milk so quickly.

Both babies were lovely.

TMD said, ‘Um, I dreamt this….’ :

I had given birth to a little boy and we were waiting a long time for the birth of the little girl (at least a day). The boy she was holding looked much older than a newborn. I breastfed him, and he ate and ate like a crazy thing.

Finally the little girl came along, I breastfed her, and both babies were lovely.

Weird or what? We do not dream in sync. These were basically the same dream, bacon excepting. I joked that perhaps we each had to wait so long to see the baby of the other gender because each of us had that respective baby for most of the dream. (Does that sentence make sense? I can’t fix it, I need to eat sandwiches.)

Wishlist turned reality.

March 22, 2009

Thanks for all the lovely comments on my bump pictures! Scroll down a few entries if you haven’t seen them yet… (And know that while Facebook gets my face, you guys get my bare belly. Be honoured!)

Yesterday I ended up pissing myself three times. <– Just something that needed to be said. I am squeezing those muscles, I swear. A bit, anyway.

Today I’ve gone online shopping crazy. I’ve bought two white bumpbands (white is a better summer colour, and bumpbands are delicious and apparently very supportive when you are very, very pregnant with twins!). We also got a mamascarf. This is a groovy breastfeeding scarf made by the bumpband people. I hope I can breastfeed – not sure as I’ve had a breast reduction and they said they couldn’t guarantee I would be able to. If I can, I would like to tandem feed the babies; feeding them one at a time would pretty much make sure all I did was sit and let babies suck on my boobs. Tandem feeding halves the time!

Mamascarf is good for one-at-a-time feeding, which we may prefer anyway. Also more practical for being out in public. If tandem breastfeeding works out, we will be getting a thing that hooks around your neck and then is essentially like a tablecloth hanging down in front of you. While one boob out seems very okay – and this country is all about the boobies for the babies – TWO boobs out at the same time seems like I should be asking for beads, not providing nourishment.

Finally, we just bought a glider for 99.00 – regular retail price 300.00. It’s on pre-order but due to come mid-April.

I try to feel okay about spending this much money by remembering TMD didn’t go get me the ‘special Mother’s Day breakfast from McDonald’s’ that she offered me. We saved, what, like 3.00 right there? Bargain!

(Other nice thing: TMD made me a card ‘from’ Mano and Torre. Of course, this resulted from me sobbing during a twenty minute car ride yesterday that she didn’t get me a gift for Mother’s Day, but still. It’s very very cute.)