Teeth make people pretty, most of the time.


Last night was like some sort of maternal Fear Factor. I kept doing things and then thinking, ‘Fuck, why did I do that? I hope I didn’t hurt the babies!’

I don’t know what you know about pessaries. If you stick ’em up your pooper, those puppies are secure and will not come out or leak until you poop ’em out. (Incidentally, I’ve not pooped in over 24 hours. WTF.) When you stick them in the vadge department, as soon as they reach body temperature they begin to ooze out your cootch. There is no nice way to say it.

So you really want to lie down for about 30 minutes after insertion to give the meds a chance to be absorbed before you sit up and essentially piss yourself with white creamy stuff.

Last night I was doing the group with the kids. So I donned my trusty latex glove (there was no soap in the bathroom. Thank god I thought to bring a glove in case of this situation arising), shoved my bullet baby nice and high, and then promptly ushered ten screaming children into a van, where I then spent the next two hours being bumped around, herding children into their various homes, etc.

It is a big ass van/bus thing. And the door kind of sticks.

At one occasion last night, I couldn’t get it open at all. I had already thought of the fact that pulling very hard wasn’t good, but nonetheless I had to keep trying to pull open this sliding door. When I got back in the van, I had constant, very bad cramping.

Of course I freaked out.

There has been no blood. I am hoping that this happened to coincidentally be the time the embryo/embryos decided to fully implant. If I had bled last night or this morning, I would not have forgiven myself.

It’s been a relief to lie down all last night, spend my full 30 minutes making out with my pessary this morning, etc.

I also vomited into the bathroom sink last night. Brushing my teeth has always carried a slight risk of The Gag Factor, but last night I vomited in the toilet. When I tried to brush again, I couldn’t make it to the toilet (next to the sink, I hasten to add), and threw up in the sink. This morning when I leaned over to rinse after brushing – no toothbrush anywhere – I started massively gagging again.

I don’t claim this is morning sickness. I have been fighting a slight vomit feeling this morning, but really only when I think about how I threw up last night.

I hope I don’t develop an aversion to maintaining healthy teeth and gums, yo. No kid wants a mom without teeth.

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One Response to “Teeth make people pretty, most of the time.”

  1. Tatiana Says:

    Pregnancy is an incredibly resilient process; although we know how tiny & fragile our little babies are, our bodies are built to PROTECT those babies. Don’t stress yourself too much! Remember that evolution-wise, our bodies will go to extraordinary lengths to keep everything going smoothly, with or without our help.

    I had period-esque cramping for awhile when I got pregnant too — in fact, I kept thinking I would have my period and it’s part of the reason it took me more weeks than is reasonable to finally accept that I was pregnant and confirm via test — so maybe your eggs were just burrowin deep and sayin HI MOM! at the same time as your war with the door 🙂

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