It’s been a long time since I’ve talked about bodily functions. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve done so since moving to this diary. I won’t be able to type much, since my hands are almost raw from the amount of soap-and-water washes I’ve just had.
Why, you ask?
I’ve been having bad shitting problems for about six weeks now. It’s impossible to overestimate how bad they are. And when I say ‘shitting’, a more accurate term might actually be ‘not shitting, because I can’t. And being full of actual terror about farting in public, because I have never produced – or smelled – anything this obscene in my whole life.’
I’ve made people gag and cough within the last week. Mostly Aussie, who was joking, except somehow I think she was just pretending her gagging was a joke to be nice.
Let’s just say that three pictures of what have happened exist. One of the inside of my underwear, one of the inside of my pajama bottoms, and one of my ass. All three are coated in shit. So much, and so moist, that I thought I started my period. No lie.
I don’t know whether I am blogging about this because I am proud, in shock, or both.