Um, has there or has there not been a HUGE spurt in growth of my bump since the last pictures? Let me refresh your memories.

This is last week:

This is today:

And:

And here is TMD with our new pushchair!! (Or what I could fit of it into the picture.)

So, big bump growth spurt, no?

Today was also a banner day as I rode in the car to McDonald’s with TMD to get some Egg McMuffins this morning, and this evening she pushed me in the wheelchair to the local shops. I am pretty sure she has forced every muscle in her body to the absolute limit pushing me. She kept saying, ‘You’re quite heavy. Yeah, you’re quite heavy.’

Think we’re going to watch the DVD we got at our multiples antenatal class this evening. And then perhaps look some more at my bump and oogle at the size. 33 weeks 4 days with the babies now….can hardly believe it. Am grateful for everything – the ripping pain of the skin of bottom of my bump (will post pics soon, perhaps tomorrow. WOW.), the hospital visits, the painful knuckles. We are growing some fantastic babies in there, I can just tell.

It IS huge(r), right?

Dear Babies,

Your mummy built your new pushchair yesterday while I watched. Despite claims that it was ‘the ultimate in user friendliness,’ Mummy used a lot of words that you probably won’t hear from her again – unless you get little brothers or sisters in future and she needs to build another pushchair.

In the store it looked so sexy and cute, and relatively normal-sized. Now, you babies don’t know what size our home is, because right now you are all smushed up in my (your) womb. But when your pushchair is in our lounge, it DOMINATES. Do you know what ‘dominate’ means? It means it takes up all the room and there is no room for anything else. In fact, I couldn’t even get a picture of Mummy with the pushchair because it was so big.

But dang, you guys are gonna look cute in it. Mummy keeps saying it ‘turns on a dime,’ and I will certainly remind her of that when you guys are big, fat, happy babies and our arm muscles are weeping from the pain of pushing that megalith up a hill on a path that twists and curves.

I got my wheelchair yesterday and Mummy hurt herself lifting it into the boot of the car. Your pushchair would totally kick the ass of my wheelchair in a fight. Except I suspect your pushchair is too expensive and high class to want to fight with a banged up piece of metal transport from the local charity.

Anyway, babies, today is the last day of me being home alone with you guys. Nan (Gran? Nanny?) is moving in on Monday and she will be staying with us every work day. This means that you will get used to her voice, which is nice because she is a generally nice lady. My mommy, Granny (Grandma?), is very happy that Nan will be here to look after us.

Baby girl, you have been having some big, big movements in the past day. The sort of big moves and squiggles your brother normally makes. Does this mean he isn’t squishing you anymore? And baby boy, you  have been getting some messed up hiccups. Yesterday you had them and I jiggled you; they stopped. Within minutes of me stopping jiggling, you got them again.

I’m not sure what position you kids are in, and I am nervous about what happens if you go head down. But still, whatever happens, I hope you are both as comfy as you can be. If you choose to turn head down, you would probably have more room to move. And your heads wouldn’t be up in my ribs anymore, though I think you have both moved away from the rib cage part you were in. So, in short, do consider changing position – if only for your own benefit.

We will ignore what it must be like for you to be crammed through my pelvis and vagina, but remain happy and secure in the knowledge that at least it would clean out your sinuses.

Kitty Marmite is curious about you. We have started paying more attention to her because she has been ignored for the past few months. She was sort of scared of your pushchair, but she REALLY liked the fabric of the seats and we had to hide them in plastic covers. You two will have a lot of fun with her once you are old enough to appreciate that there is more to view than my boobies or your mommies’ faces, but I don’t know if the kitty will as eager to play as you. We’ll see.

Okay, kidlets, over and out. Love you.

Meg and Nic (more details to come!) have been here all afternoon and they have saved my day. I love them.

Reluctant to moan yet again, but god.

The SPD is so messed up I can honestly say I have never felt pain like it. Woke up yesterday to not being able to move either leg a fraction of an inch in any direction without instant excruciating pain in my pubis.

This is really getting me down.

TMD’s mum has had shingles, so she wasn’t able to come up. The plan is for her to come up mid-next week, but after this morning I think we are going to see if she can come up this week, or the weekend at the latest. Poor TMD was crying when she left for work because I was sobbing so hard.

Moany, moany Myrtle.

OH MY GOD YELLOW STUFF JUST CAME OUT OF MY NIPPLE.

I was sitting naked on a chair with my foot propped on the toilet, attempting to cut my talon like toenails. As I went for my right foot, I was aware my right boob was sore as I was semi-squishing it. I changed positions and everything was fine.

My left foot was a sonofabitch to reach, and I think I was really compressing my breast. Finished my nails, popped back onto the toilet. TMD came into the room and said in a Very Loud Voice, ‘Oh my god, you are MILKING!’

For some reason I thought she meant white stuff was pouring out my vagina, so I peered down. She screamed, ‘YOUR BOOB!’

Sure enough, my left boob had a big ass bead of yellow liquid shimmering on the tip. I was grossed out. I know it’s awesome my body is doing this and a good sign that my boobie ladies will perform, but wow. We both screamed at each other the same time to get the camera (yes, seriously). Then I managed to work up the courage to wipe it with toilet paper.

Cue one bright yellow squidge of liquid, and one bright yellow thicker gooey shit spot.

Is colustrum yellow?!?

I have a haemorrhoid named Tony. It is a testament to my general hardiness that I shove him back into my butt every shower without thinking twice about it. My mother said that after giving birth to me, she had a ‘bunch of grapes’ that then hung from her ass. Mmm mmm good.

Next up on the list of Fucked Up Things:

See that handprint under my boob? The one so clear you can make out the lines in my hand?

Yes, that’s because I have rediscovered the pleasure of lying on my side. I discovered this morning that when I am getting rib pain (two babies heads are right in that area) if I take both hands and sort of push them out of my ribs, I can fall back asleep.

The handprint (and bracelet print) makes me feel a bit guilty. I hope I did not give them cricks in their respective necks.

And speaking of boobs, something funny and not-so-good is up with my left girlie. In the bath a few days ago I noticed a pinprick point of pain. There is some discoloured skin over it. I am to ‘keep an eye on it,’ but it should clear up. Uh, okay.

So…….bump pics. I know I normally take them on a Saturday, but I took them yesterday because we had our 32 (plus 3) week scan, and I wanted a picture of exactly how I/the bump looked when we knew what their exact estimated fetal weights were!!

I was right. Our babies are biiiiiiiiiig. They are each right on track for being singleton births, which makes them bigger than most twins at this stage. Baby boy is 4 lb 7, baby girl is 4 lb 6. This puts them each individually just over 2 kilos, which is the cut off point for special care (based on weight, anyway)!! Good babies.

The scan was excellent, and really emotional. We get scans every month as twins sometimes have growth problems, and they are normally quick checks of the organs and some measurements. You never really get to see anything. The lady yesterday took the time to show us everything, though I admit it is hard. When they were little you could easily get both babies on the screen. Our 13 + 6 pictures are superb – one perfect baby body per picture. Now, you can fit a head or tummy on the screen. So it’s all a bit disjointed.

She zoomed out to show us both their heads together – I wish I had thought to ask for a picture of that. While both babies are breech (wrong, babies, wrong), it is sweet that their heads are right up next to each other and they are sort of snuggled together. Mano’s head is on left side, his body stretches down my entire left side. He is ’sitting’ on my left hip, with his legs stretched so the feet are across my pelvis and on the other hip. Torre’s head is on the left as well. Her body stretches under my breasts before curving waaaaaaaaay down and to the very outside of the right side of bump, with her legs curled in towards the middle. Note to self: must write about how while we always tell people Torre doesn’t move around much, actually she changes positions much more than her brother.

(It’s funny calling them ‘Mano’ and ‘Torre’ now because we have actually had names for a good few weeks now. Shh…)

Both babies have ‘nice round tummies’ (the one area they are both bigger than dead average in) and all measurements are within normal ranges for singleton babies. We then saw the doctor – good times.

He fucking told me that I would need general anesthetic if Mano came out the vadge and Torre needed a c section due to distress – EVEN IF I already had an epidural in. I am going to have a very serious talk with the anaesthetist when (if) I go in for regular delivery, because what the fuck is the point of an epidural if it means I’ll be asleep and TMD will have to leave the room if T needs a c section?

The doctor said it obviously helps with labour pains and is recommended with all twin mums – and then explained how they would deliver Torre if she was not head down. Yes, he would reach up into my vagina, into the fucking womb, and feel around. He would either try to turn her internally, or if he found a foot he would grab it and pull her out breech! Yes, I suppose an epidural might be nice for that brief period of time where I am giving birth like a cow with a farmer’s hand up her cootch.

It was a relief to hear that the hospital are willing to deliver the second twin breech. He said I would already be fully dilated and it wouldn’t be a problem. We talked a lot about c sections, but he said we shouldn’t focus on it – that they still want me to have a normal delivery. He said (quite cavalierly, I thought!) that it was still early, and most babies would turn head down. So, fingers crossed? (The question mark is because I feel funny about birth now, the closer it gets.)

He did say they would plan to section me at 38 or 39 weeks if they didn’t change position. I froze. THIRTY-NINE weeks? NO ONE has ever, EVER mentioned anything beyond 38 weeks to me. I literally couldn’t talk. He laughed and said, ‘Do you think you can last that long?’ I don’t even know what I said back to him. I suppose that is the same time I would be induced if I was to have a normal delivery as well.

39.

I know it’s only a week more, but jebus.

Here I am at 32 + 3 days with the babies (yesterday!):

Whatever way I go in to deliver, they will do a scan when I arrive. The priority is always to have a regular delivery, and he said that babies can change positions very near the end – though I imagine it is rarer with twins.

The doctor also explained who all would be at a normal delivery (still in a operating theature cum delivery suite, just in case) and it is a HUGE number of people. I knew it would be, but it was still a shock. If both are head down, it will be less crazy and midwife-led, treated as two back-to-back normal births. If Torre isn’t head down, there will be midwives, several doctors, pediatricians, etc. There will also be two teams from special care in the hallway, preparing incubators and ready to be called in if needed. Yes, folks, everyone in within 50 miles will get to see me shitting myself as I push out babies. I believe this is the definition of ‘good times.’

The only thing the doctor said which I found upsetting is that babies who come early do best without a lot of handling, and will need to stay in incubators. Hrm. Everything I have read says premature babies do better when they are stroked and held. We will see. He said anything before 36 weeks is considered preterm for twins. My pregnancy goals used to be monthly, but have now gone into fortnightly hopes.

34 weeks is next goal, and developmentally that is a HUGE milestone to pass. Then 36 weeks so the babies are term….or at least not preterm. And 38 weeks where, universe willing, we will finally get to meet our children.

Our children.

Wow.

Have had some kicks in my ass today that were so hard they caused my entire body to shake. Seriously.

Taken 28 June, when 31 weeks 5 days pregnant!

And now, some great pictures of me and Aussie!! Same day as the ones above (hence the same clothing!). Aussie is 21 weeks 1 day pregnant with one baby….who is of course already a great friend of our babies.

Go on, say it. We are hot baby mommas!

A note on tank tops: if they fit the milk-makers, they do not fit the bump. If they fit the bump, they will fall off my shoulders and expose the milk-makers.

Have had another biggish break from the laptop. This is partially due to not being bothered to turn it on, having a few bad days, napping, new entertainment forms TMD has arranged, etc. And lots going on! So here it is, the highlights of the past few days.

I realised after the last entry that I had forgotten one massive pregnancy symptom. Every time I sit up or stand up, big ass burps (that smell) rumble out of me. It’s like instant volcano burps from changing position. Okay, we can move on now that I’ve documented that.

Onto last Thursday’s midwife appointment.

We saw the lovely lady from waaaaaaaay back – the nice midwife supervisor who actually sorted out our notes, booking appointment, etc. I love her. LOVE. The appointment was pretty standard – checked urine, blood pressure (back to normal, thank god!), etc. She didn’t make me get up on the examining table as it really is too difficult these days, so she did the heartbeats while I was sitting in my chair. This was such a thoughtful little gesture and I was impressed! The only downside to no tabling is no measuring of my fundal height – and I am DEAD curious to see exactly ‘how pregnant’ my uterus seems. I can’t quite figure out where the top of it is, or else I would make TMD measure it at home. Might do anyway.

She also couldn’t palpitate my tummy, but she put Mano’s position as ‘? head down’ in the notes because his heartbeat was so fucking low. We’re talking like pubic hair low, but off to one side. It also hurt like a maniac, so there is definitely some Mano bits way down under. I don’t know if I buy the whole head down thing, though I will say I am no longer feeling his kicks in my ass, but his squirming. So maybe.

I asked about my bump being so much lower and how I could now breathe, not throw up after eating, etc. She said that the baby (again, Mano) could have engaged, and that she certainly hoped it was his head that had done so, not another part.

Little Torre was, again, her usual superstar self with holding nice and still for heartbeat finding, etc. She doesn’t seem to change positions as much as Mano. At this point in the pregnancy (well, and for a good few weeks, actually) her heartbeat is consistently higher than his. The midwives all make a point of saying that little girls usually do have a higher heartrate. It’s so interesting in a medical sort of way. I don’t know. For the whole huge chunk of pregnancy, they had matching identical heartbeats. Then came a point when they ’split’ – Torre stayed high, Mano went a bit lower. They also sound really different.

Midwife also said I needed to stop dicking around and get a wheelchair. She said it wasn’t really a choice anymore. (No, I haven’t ordered it at this point.) What else. Oh! She offered to do home visits to come see me for all remaining appointments!! THAT IS SO NICE. Can this be the same health service that once put an ace bandage on a broken bone and told me I would be fine?!?

While we’re on the medical side of things, let’s talk about my nipples. Yowsa. They have been tipped with white since very early in pregnancy. Then it moved to looking like a dried white lotion coming out. Left nipple – lots of little holes. Right nipple – mainly one giant hole. Left nipple has also taken to stinging like a son of a bitch at the slightest provocation, and both are very tender.

So.

Friday.

TMD got in a car accident. Don’t worry. She is fine. Our car is not-so-fine, and now on top of everything else she needs to sort out the payment with the dude who hit her, getting the car fixed, etc.

Sunday night Marmite got all fucked up. I heard TMD on the phone with someone at 11:30 pm and was like, who the fuck is she talking to this time of night – and about the cat, of all things? Yes. Marmite was angrily moving around the flat, very deliberately and slowly, with her tail swishing from side to side. Then she would freeze and make these slurpy noises – and she was FOAMING. Seriously. She looked like she had a Santa beard.

This foam was everywhere – every room of the house. TMD rushed her to an emergency animal hospital; Marmite gets carsick regularly and puked in the car, and that stopped the foaming. Vet couldn’t find anything wrong, and thinks she ingested a bad plant or something. He gave her an anti-nausea shot. Marmite was still a bit funny yesterday, sleeping most of the day, but I think she is pretty much back to normal.

But, yet again, TMD was up waaaaaaaay past when she should have been, driving our sick little baby kitty all over the fucking place. I feel so bad for all the shit TMD has to do.

And speaking of wonderful wives, she has gone all out to try to provide me with new ways to pass the time. She bought me a kick ass Charlie & Lola magazine I could play with, some coloured pencils, and a book of optical illusion patterns to colour in. She also got me a new DS game, which is essentially a Where’s Waldo searching type of game; I have passed a lot of time with this little fucker. Good times.

Let’s see. What else. Lots and lots of ‘tightenings’ lately, though I am sometimes still  unclear if it is a tightening or simply a big ass baby body pushing out against my tummy. Yesterday I was CRUSHED TMD missed something special – and that I didn’t have the camera with me on the couch so I could show you guys, too.

The left side of my bump shot out two inches higher than the right. My bump was like a child’s drawing of waves on the ocean. Left side really high up, right side dipping in. It stayed that way for about four or five minutes.

These little babies are getting bigger every day, and it’s apparent in their movements, the sheer weight of my bump, the growing field of stretchmarks, and every passing day. When I am sitting up (no small feat since some large part of baby is back in my ribs and every movement feels like I am getting stabbed!), my bump goes MORE than halfway down my thigh. Draw a line between your knees and your hips, and then imagine an inch or so beyond that. My bump sits on my lap and jesus is it heavy!  I’m 32 weeks pregnant with them today, and am getting excited to meet them. Six more weeks!! We have baby clothes hanging up in the lounge, and they are so fucking sweet and tiny I could just melt.

The odd thing is that I can think they aren’t moving, but when I put my hands on my stomach I can feel lots of squirming and stretching from the outside. I still can’t tell what is what, though we both felt a little knee/elbow/leg/something yesterday. BLESS.

I can’t wait to find out their estimate fetal weights on Friday. I have a feeling we are growing some very good sized twins in there!!

Ooh – one last thing. Have had some painful tingling in my left foot (twice) and left hand (once). This is one of those fabled pregnancy symptoms I have not yet felt. I seem to be missing out on all the small annoyances and skipping straight to wanting a constant supply of ice on my crotch. AND NO UNDERWEAR FITS ME. NONE. I constantly have big ass creases (big ass in both senses of the word – literally large creases in my ass, and so forth) from the elastic. I am considering taking scissors and just cutting into the elastic at key points. Underwear mutilation 101.

O-chay. About to upload new bump pictures.

In the meantime, I would like to say:

Dear babies,

You are getting so big and becoming little people! Please do not push on my crotch – trust me, it is boiling hot outside and you are better off in your temperature controlled environs for a bit longer.

Plus, we still haven’t finished building your cot, buying you stuff, etc. You will be like, what? I was all cramped and shit and THIS is my reward for making an appearance?

Six more weeks, babies. That’s all.

We love you!

Bumpie has definitely dropped. I don’t know what this means in pregnancy terms, just in aesthetic and practical terms. For instance, I’ve noticed I can breathe again. Not to say I’m not still huffing and puffing like someone making a dirty phone call, but it does not have the desperation of someone who has just run a marathon.

And – waaaaaaaait for it – last night I changed position.

Last night was a particularly bad night; it featured lots of crying and tailbone pain. Poor TMD was so fucking tired, and I just kept crying. Eventually I was so pissed I said I wanted to try lying on my side. So…with a little crafty pillow rearranging, I got over onto my left side (slightly propped) and managed to stay this way for about an hour or so. This is the first time in over what must be TWO MONTHS that I have changed position (in day or night). This is a big deal.

I may ‘treat’ myself this evening with some more side lying before bed. It takes a lot of the pressure off my lovely ass, and also spices things up for the babies. Their movements were definitely freer when I was on my side.

Jebus. Having a big Braxton Hicks right now. Hang on.

Okay. Done.

Meet my new friends, stretch marks:

It’s one specific patch of my tummy that has them, and I feel an uneasy sort of fascination with them. I found a website about twin pregnancies yesterday, and they had a belly gallery of ‘twin skin.’ My stomach looks like twin skin right now, except it’s nice and firm rather than….floppy? Wrinkly? I don’t know quite the right term. LIke seersucker fabric, but made from human skin.

Trying to think if there is any other pregnancy symptoms worth noting for posterity. Oh, pee, I suppose. Since The Bump Dropped, I have to pee. A lot. I have not had a very pee-a-licious pregnancy, even in the notorious first trimester. Now I have to have a solid pee about once an hour. And I could probably sit on the toilet all day, because I am never finished peeing. Because of the way the babies are pushing down (and in particular, the way the little boy is very low down just over the bladder), I can never really get all the pee out. I have to ’squeeze the orange.’ This essentially involves leaning forward after I have ‘finished’ peeing and wait for the next deluge as my bladder shifts into a new position.

Ooh. Have to go pee now, actually.

Really bad. Bye!