Archive for the ‘twins’ Category

Lots of things are more historic than a new famous baby.

July 22, 2013

A lot of historic things have happened in the last week. Marriage equality has happened here. TMD and I went away alone for a night. The kids’ adoption went through – we had no idea till today. But after almost exactly four years, the kids finally have two legal mothers.

And another thing. I wore skintight cropped leggings on the past two evenings for my walk. That shit is something I never thought I would say.

They are so gross but SO COMFORTABLE.

I am trying to reemerge, folks. These nightly walks have literally taken all my time and energy. It is a big commitment. I have a rest when TMD gets home, because my days can be tiring but also because it is currently hotter than the sun, then go on late night walks and come home and write a bit about them.

Oh, the sheer rocky ride of finding the discipline to go out every single night. It has been a tough settling in period, and even now, on day thirty four, I wouldn’t say I’ve settled. I have missed three nights – two due to pelvis problems, one due to a cat slashing my fucking toe open – but I am getting there.

More and more I am thinking about starting a more public blog. I miss posting pictures with heads, real names, being more easily able to connect with people who live near me. I hung out with a good friend I met courtesy of this blog earlier in the week and we discussed this a bit.

I have often started ‘niche’ blogs, only to drop them because I like writing about all of life. So I think a new blog would be like this, but with more personal details…and less ranting about family members. Something to think on. And whether I’d keep this blog going, which I think I might.

It’s a dramatic week. Snort’s collarbone is still causing him pain, I’ve found a brown itchy spot on my labia, of all places, and we both have doctor appointments Thursday. The kids also danced on a stage in front of 7000 people, which was awesome, and I got to hang out with a friend ALL BY MYSELF AT NIGHTTIME. Another historic thing.

Why do I bother buying a calendar?

June 10, 2013

Well, you know, I thought they needed one on one time. That’s why I made the plans I did, you know. It all started so well.

Last September, Coconut started gym and Snort, football (he wanted basketball but it doesn’t really exist here. And another note, ‘football’ in this context is the same as ‘soccer.’) For two terms things went well, Coco’s broken arm notwithstanding. Then at the end of the second term, Snort just said with finality one day, ‘I don’t want to go to football. I am finished with football.’ So we skipped the last two weeks and you know, he has never asked to go back. Doesn’t ever even mention it.

Coco has held steady with gym. She has never requested to stop attending or said she would prefer something else, though to be fair I haven’t necessarily offered as I didn’t see the reason in an arbitrary switch.

This morning, Snort says,’I don’t want to go to gym anymore. I don’t like gym or football!’

It transpires that he is very happy to go along to Coco’s session with her – because she has been there a year, we have made friends, we have a picnic party in the playground afterwards, etc. He has been along to her sessions and prefers it.

This means they lose their one on one time, both with me and their Nana. I think both slots of time are important, but …well. I don’t know. Snort said he wanted to go to Nana’s with Coco this morning. I took her aside and quietly asked if she wanted to go on her own or if she wanted Snort to come. With no hesitation she said she wanted him.

We are certainly in a season of intense play – the two of them create fabulous imaginary worlds and live in them, together most of the time. They bounce off each other. Both love and cherish their outside friendships, but no one ‘gets’ either of them like each other. So I guess it makes sense they want to be together.

I guess I roll with it. I think Snort has really begged off gym this morning as he has just hatched a baby dinosaur (don’t ask, just trust me that he has) and wanted to play dinosaurs more than he wanted to jump, run, and flip. Fair enough. He does love gym and is happy and excited the whole time we are there, so today is probably a one off.

We will see how next week goes, though if this Friday is a normal Friday, I imagine he will want to stay in her class. This sort of sucks for me, because it is difficult to take them both on my own. So Mil needs to come along. But Fridays are MY friendship time, too. Two of my favourite friends bring their children along to the Friday sessions, and afterward in the park we hang out/play with the kids together. The dynamic changes when Mil is there. She is lovely, but gets nervous with people and just talks….a lot….and it’s hard to hang out with our normal vibe. Impossible, really.

We had this good Mon/Fri thing going, then chicken pox and various appointments have screwed the last two months over. I think we officially call it summer, relax about it, and then see where we are next September. It is an interesting one as they would be starting school then, and all of the classes and groups (home ed ones aside!) for their age group move to the after school hours…..except gym. They have the option to move up a class, which neither wants to do, or stay where they are now. Because of their age – they’d be the youngest in their class, starting full time school only days after turning four! – we MAY be able to sneak into preschool times/classes for another year, but generally their peer group has been a bit older than them and I don’t know how keen they would be on being the oldest in the group. All stuff to think about.

Casual non-racism that could sound racist to the casual observer.

June 7, 2013

It’s always nice when your son notices a niqab properly for the first time and loudly says, ‘What’s wrong with her throat?’ because he thinks the woman is wrapped in bandages. Or when two other Muslim families are at the playground with us, and because of our new fascination with languages other than English, he then says in his factual tone, ‘Some people speak other languages. It sounds like this: gooBEgooblahdedahmemahheHAW.’

And let’s not forget your daughter. Three times in her life she has said a variation of, ‘I don’t like that girl. Her vest is furry.’ AKA. I don’t like a new person because of whatever difference there is between us. It’s not that she doesn’t really like them or is terrified of differences, but rather she doesn’t feel like socialising so must invent a reason to dislike someone. Once, a girl in a furry vest. Once, a boy with a bloody nose. Once, at the top of her lungs, ‘I don’t like that boy. He’s black.’ Did the ground fucking swallow me whole?!

Generally I love being taken by surprise by their quirky observations of the world and the people in it, but on these rare occasions the surprise is more akin to suddenly having a tonne of ice dropped on your prostrate, naked body.

Incidentally, trying to explain a niqab/hijab to a three year old who has never heard of any sort of god or formal religion is a real treat.

Thought processes of a mother of three year old twins.

June 4, 2013

Today is the day for ‘Pirate Ship Storytelling, ‘ the one day a month where we crowd into a room with lots of people, find a comfortable cushion, and let this totally amazing weirdo spin tales of goddesses, shipwrecks, and treasure islands. Then we wander around the top deck of a huge ship, because we are too afraid of the statue people (aka mannequins) on the lower decks. We eat lunch, maybe outside, always chips. Wander along the river, maybe climb into a boat for a breezy ride.

It is always an amazing day, and it is today, so then how come I woke up thinking, ‘Oh, JESUS, I just want to stay home’? Even at the risks of more Jehovah’s Witnesses, even with the annoyance of trying to stay awake in the late afternoon.

So then the guilt kicks in. And I think, ‘Hey, no big deal if we skip that even though we also skipped last month. It is a beautiful day. This may be the only beautiful week of the summer. Wait, I know! We should go to the zoo! They can splash in the little kid fake river and we can just wander around.’

Then my pelvis aches, my inertia keeps me sitting here in bed (though showered and dressed) while the kids lay together in Snort’s bed watching YouTube videos about people making Angry Birds out of playdoh.

So I think, let’s take it easy, let’s stay in, then maybe later we can go to the little farm around the corner. I test it out. No immediate objections of my mind or body. Coconut suggests the library, and I think, yeah, okay, I can handle that. No weird time limits, stressful drives across town, etc. We can wander and maybe buy them chips in the little cafe we sometimes go to.

Still I sit here, wondering if I am somehow shortchanging my children, even as my head knows it is GOOD for generic children and great for MY children to play outside, to have empty hours to fill with imagination, to just do what we want. My mother guilt kicks in, and I think, Jesus, am I depressed? Is that why I don’t want to go out? Or is this chickenpox hangover? Or am I just the laziest person in the universe?

I remember summers past, how time somehow slows down and stretches out, how we do less but it feels like more, how we have lazy days watering plants and drawing with chalk and splashing in the garden. And as I write these words, as the visceral memory of two babies who could not yet sit up stretched out in the sunshine, as two bigger babies crawled like maniacs later that summer, it comes back to me. I remember the next year, the daily trips to the park, the wandering hikes in the woods, eighteen months old and walking for an hour on narrow paths littered with roots and stones.

I remember all that a lot more clearly, more sweetly, than most of our trips out. The days we accidentally have a great time doing nothing, but what a shame- they can’t be planned. They just have to happen.

But I guess what I can do, what I can try to not feel guilty about, is giving them an opportunity to happen.

Chicken pox 2.0

May 29, 2013

20130529-102603.jpg

So far, chicken pox 2.0 looks a lot like the original version. Namely, the entire upstairs hallway is covered in sheets, blankets, and pillows – a giant ‘dog bed’ with plenty of soft toy ‘puppies’ to care for and play with.

Yes, Coco came out in spots yesterday, exactly 14 days after Snort’s spots appeared. With him, the first spots to appear caused massive scabs – some of which are still on him! Most scabs are gone, though, and I’m hoping all the pink marks will be fading soon. Coco is a sneaky scratcher. She’s not on antihistamine for hayfever, and she’s itchier in general, so she’s managing to find the blisters and rip them open. I’ve told her she’ll need oral meds if she continues, though I dread it as convincing her to try Calamine lotion has been a real treat.

This time around I’m hoping people come over, and we are willing to travel. If you need pox or have already had it and want to play, come on over. As long as you don’t mind naked kids or completely trashed houses. I didn’t invite anyone round last time, though welcomed another home edder from Country A who asked if she could come. And today, exactly 14 days after their visit, her unvaccinated kid has spots. This shit is pretty contagious – when they were here, Snort just jumped on his bed and ran around like a crazy hyena. Still wowed Coco managed to miss getting it from our friend, but we knew if she didn’t get it from Snort she had superhero blood, as she actually kissed each of his individual spots to make him get better.

Grody.

Her spots are not as big or angry as his were, her blisters still tiny, but hers are more spread out and I think she has many more than he did at this stage. He was scabbed over the Friday after he got them, so maybe this will be our last few days of confinement. We had his, then went to Luvdom and had a great time with my sister, and got pox again the day we were back. It has been a long stretch…..but lovely. Luckily neither kid (thus far) has been ill at all, or even itchy really, though it is still early days in CocoPox land.

However, you know I’m a bit tired and ready for human contact when I’m throwing on a DVD at 8:30 am so I can stay in bed with the kids! After weeks of reading the book again and again, they lost their Lady and the Tramp virginity today. We bought a few DVDs knowing the pox was coming, and the trick for me is to not break out the remaining two today, as we will be in the house the rest of the week. Still, Peanuts has a siren call I am finding hard to refuse.

The Great Pumpkin! The little raggedy Christmas tree! The little girl with the red hair!

Okay. I guess I will get dressed and brush three sets of teeth now. Buhbye, folks.

Adoption update.

May 24, 2013

So, are those kids finally adopted yet, you ask?

Here’s the deal. We submitted the application to court about a month ago. You need three months between the submission of the intent to adopt and the actual application. Through colossal screw ups that were not our fault, the time requirement had not been met. So everything was returned to us.

I went last Monday to submit everything again. The legal team needed TMD to go in to sign something they’d missed spotting the first time around. And now we wait.

The next step is the final hearing, which we are not expected to attend. I guess it is when the judge goes through everything and issues the adoption order. After that is the celebrationary hearing, which is when the adoption certificates are issued. This is when the judge makes a big deal out of it, you can invite your family and friends, and it is like a party in court. For normal adoption proceedings, I think this is nice.

For our particular circumstances, I think it is shit. We don’t want two almost four year olds to have to question things – they are very observant and curious. It would be nightmare. We want to explain things to them organically and in our own time, not because a judge arbitrarily says TMD is now their mother. That’s crap.

So we have talked to the court and elected to not attend the celebration hearing. We will need to confirm it nearer to the date, but our plan is to have all of our documents and the certificates mailed to us. In theory this should all go without a hitch.

The adoption process has taken much longer than we expected, but all in all it has been smooth and easy. Nice social workers, friendly court people, straightforward process. Looking forward to it being done, though! Maybe I’ll host a blog celebration when it happens, which will hopefully be within the next month. We shall see.

High tide.

May 21, 2013

beach

Oh, we have the time to see what it feels like for our feet to get sucked into cool, wet mud. We won’t cringe or scream unless we want to, but we won’t….we’ll be too busy laughing and figuring out how to move again. We will be hunkering down to watch sand swirling in perfect circles. We will be standing halfway between dunes and the ocean, in the halfway sort of place that is half land, half water.

And if we wander down to the sea, if we walk that long distance, no one will say no. We can get messy, we can explore, we can try it out. When we fall into the warm, brown water, our clothes will stick to our bodies and show the outlines of all that we are and will become.

We have the chance to watch the tide race in, fifteen feet distant to ten to rising to cover our feet. We usher the water in, it follows us and we stop now and then and let it engulf our toes, calves, knees. The waves are small and unrelenting, they rush us closer to dry sand, to the sandcastles waiting to be built, the sunshine wanting to drench us.

Oh, that water is so warm, so unbelievably warm, and it’s water we’ve never seen so high, the tide usually pulling it so far from our eyes we can only imagine the water at the horizon. But we tried, and we walked far, and we laughed and struggled through the mud. The water rewarded us, following us home like a puppy, lapping at our heels. We watched waves roll in, one after the other, spitting perfect small seashells onto the sand. We marveled at the millions of years that caused the sand, the many, many moments that led us to this spot.

And it was beautiful.

Too tired to write more about how tired I am.

May 14, 2013

I am so tired. Like seventeen steps beyond what I think a normal level of exhaustion must be.

I felt like this before we moved and had all sorts of tests, though the doctor correctly predicted I was just exhausted from parenting. A few months back I was tested for other stuff because I had a sore throat (what, I’m not a hypochondriac. The nurse just took my blood, yo) and all that stuff came back normal, too.

My sister was here last weekend and said, ‘Why are you and TMD so tired all the time?’

My mother in law said yesterday, ‘It’s only going to get worse for you with home educating them. It’s a lot more work than sending them to school.’ Thanks for that.

We can handle all this. We want to handle all this.

But fuck, am I tired. Literally could not get out of bed this morning. TMD had to keep coming in and waking me up; flashbacks to high school, anyone?

I think, for me, it is that the introvert part of me really needs to be alone to recharge. The extrovert part loves people and is much happier if we go out all the time, but the key here is balance. The sick thing is that I was totally counting on chicken pox this week so we could stay home most of the week without feeling guilty.

You know 90% of people who have not had the vaccine or the disease will develop chicken pox from coming into close contact with an infected person. Apparently both of my children are in the 10%. Just like their sexual minority mommies.

Operation red spot on the hip is at a standstill till morning.

May 11, 2013

Well, if they don’t get chicken pox tomorrow, I don’t think they’re going to get it. Apparently the average incubation period is 10-14 days. Tomorrow is day 14.

I’ve been symptom spotting like crazy. It’s like the two week wait, except there is no pregnancy test at the end.

Weekly roundup 27 April – 3 May

May 7, 2013

Writing this a week and a half after the start! Wish me luck.

Saturday:

In the morning we went over to a friend’s house for a chicken pox playdate. The baby brother of one of Snort’s football friends has it, so we will see if the party if successful in a few weeks, I guess.

They had stuffed Angry Birds toys, so even if they don’t get all poxy, at least they had that joy.

We went out for family lunch, then spent the afternoon deep in the woods. Kept walking till we hit the river, and much gleeful (and scary, for me, as the banks were so high and steep!) rock throwing into the water.

Sunday:

I have no recollection of this day. I think I was achey from yesterday so spent much of the day resting. TMD no doubt did amazing crafts with the kids, and garden playing, but I guess this day is proof of why it’s best to update the log daily. I have no memory.

Late afternoon I had a very bad SPD relapse indeed. Couldn’t walk or even roll over in bed.

Monday:

Kids went to Nana’s as I needed a day of total rest for my pelvis.

No idea what they did, aside from going playmobil shopping. Apparently lots of little stones were brought in from outside, and a beautiful garden was created from stones, blue paper for water.

Tuesday:

We were supposed to go to the pirate pool with Grampy, but I was still sore and he was a bit ill, so we stayed in. Kids had fun helping him do some gardening, reading loads of books, playing in the front garden, talking to neighbours, etc. I spent some time in bed and can only imagine it was his hour of babysitting which meant he couldn’t stop sleeping in the afternoon. Whoops.

Snort and Grampy did walk up to the chip shop, while Coco and I set up a nice picnic in the front garden. Lovely, relaxed day.

Wednesday:

Met up with Lauren and Jazz at a city farm first thing in the morning. The kids were entranced by the baby goats, cows, etc. Another home ed friend, let’s call her Activist, and her daughter Rambles, also met us. We walked through an amazing area to an outdoor stay and play. The kids were ENTRANCED by compost toilets. Like beyond in love, especially with sprinkling sawdust down the hole.

This place reminded me of camp, and was a total hippy fest. Even danced around a maypole, which was extra special as it was Beltane! Everything was great right until Snort’s face started swelling up and he broke out into a crazy rash. We beat a hasty retreat. We went back to the farm’s playground with Jazz and Lauren, and after they left we ended up staying all day. Loads of sand, awesome tunnels, and opportunities for independence in a smallish playground. Snort was nude except for pants. Every child was jealous of him.

When we eventually returned home, the kids played out in the front garden. I think this is the day we had a picnic dinner? Not sure

Thursday:

Met up with our mini home ed group, as is our Thursday wont. Us, Artiste, Catgirl along with Driver and her children Roman and Octonaut. We went to a large aground/park we’d never been to before. Loads of zip line fun, picnic time, sand play, trampolining, etc. The others left mis afternoon, and we stayed the rest of the day. Much like yesterday, it felt like a perfect holiday day. I wanted to go explore the neighbouring cemetery, but we decided to wait till another day as my pelvis was grumbling.

Kids rolled down some pretty big hills, then we headed back to the car. Stopped at a garden centre we always mean to go to on the way home. Came to a unanimous decision that we need a chiminea when money permits, as long as someone strong is around to carry it into the garden! Had snack in the cafe then headed home.

Read books outside in the front garden – Slinky Malinky and Hairy McClary are current faves, along with Room on the Broom.

Friday:

No words can describe how fucked up this day was. Took both kids to my as we had to miss it on Monday. Had promises from Artiste and ….shit, does Chuckles’ mum have a nickname? Maybe Drama, as that is what she studies…..Drama to help out, as gym is fucking tricky with more than one child.

Sure enough, he fell on the trampoline and injured his knee. He couldn’t weight bear or stop crying, and even his robot lady of a coach was concerned. I cuddled him most of the session (when I wasn’t dosing him up with antihistamine for another swelling face, fuck you hayfever), which actually ended up okay for Coconut as she disconnected herself from me and went off with Artiste and Catgirl.

Afterwards myself, Artiste, Drama, and children en masse went for our usual picnic at the playground. It was awesome, except for all the poop disasters I can’t write more fully about because my kids will hate me one day if I do. But let’s just say that neither kid ever had an accident in public, ever, but when a certain child refuses to poop for a week, eventually it’s going to come out no matter how badly you try to keep it in.

There were a host of other mundane disasters this day, which is why at two o’clock when I got a text from Activist inviting us to a barbecue at her house, I threw in the towel and we headed home. Because as TMD said, we were likely to add scalds to our list of injuries.

Played out in the front garden all afternoon.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 130 other followers