That sense of possibility. It never gets old.

There is something special about being in that time of life when everything is sexy and full of possibly.

As a teen, one of my best friends was very different than me. She went to a state school and I went to private – there was more to it than that, but that seemed to be the major difference. Her friends from her school called me ‘Mary’ as I went to Catholic school.

I had my first alcoholic drink with her. She was fucking daring; she mixed my mother’s Peach Schnapps with orange juice and we drank on the balcony off the kitchen. She knew people our age who had kids. She took me to parties where people smoked pot. We sometimes bought Coke just to drink a bit and pour rum in the bottle. This was serious shit, very real and different and risky.

Her windshield had a big crack through it, she knew tonnes of cute boys, I helped her stalk ex boyfriends. We drove around for hours, listening to her country music – some songs I have such a deep nostalgic fondness for because of the hours spent with her.

As it turns out, both myself and her male best friend ended up being gay, which is neither here nor there, but in those heady days it was about flirting and drinking and just seeing what it was like to not be me. Her friends thought I was cute. They found Catholic school girls a challenge and sexy and odd, but in an alluring way. She was ballsy and loud and amazing, and it rubbed off on me a bit.

I did a lot of kissing, a lot of stepping outside my comfort zone and discovering I was actually a lot more comfortable when I was outside of the box I’d been raised in. Most of the time, anyway.

When we were about fourteen, long before the drinking and kissing and stalking began, we were at camp. I remember a late night in the counselor’s tent, talking about sex, and we both vowed there was NO WAY we would have sex before marriage. We both broke that vow, but the spirit of it? Two young women so sure of themselves and their beliefs? The beauty of it all was that even when our world views shifted we maintained that sense of self and rightness and boy, did we laugh.

High tide.

Oh, we have the time to see what it feels like for our feet to get sucked into cool, wet mud. We won’t cringe or scream unless we want to, but we won’t….we’ll be too busy laughing and figuring out how to move again. We will be hunkering down to watch sand swirling in perfect circles. We will be standing halfway between dunes and the ocean, in the halfway sort of place that is half land, half water.

And if we wander down to the sea, if we walk that long distance, no one will say no. We can get messy, we can explore, we can try it out. When we fall into the warm, brown water, our clothes will stick to our bodies and show the outlines of all that we are and will become.

We have the chance to watch the tide race in, fifteen feet distant to ten to rising to cover our feet. We usher the water in, it follows us and we stop now and then and let it engulf our toes, calves, knees. The waves are small and unrelenting, they rush us closer to dry sand, to the sandcastles waiting to be built, the sunshine wanting to drench us.

Oh, that water is so warm, so unbelievably warm, and it’s water we’ve never seen so high, the tide usually pulling it so far from our eyes we can only imagine the water at the horizon. But we tried, and we walked far, and we laughed and struggled through the mud. The water rewarded us, following us home like a puppy, lapping at our heels. We watched waves roll in, one after the other, spitting perfect small seashells onto the sand. We marveled at the millions of years that caused the sand, the many, many moments that led us to this spot.

And it was beautiful.

Chicken pox is my beer.

Yes, you read that right. Chicken pox is my beer. It makes me lose my inhibitions and live an awesome life.

We are naked in the front garden, running around in wild circles, waving at neighbours, making a nest for our Angry Birds. We are dancing unabashedly to the Moto Moto song, singing along that we like them big and chunky.

We are running up to the bath, empty two litre bottles (from my new sparkling water addiction, as I have not had Diet Coke in months now. Sob.) in hand, and that bathroom echoes laughter and science and splashes. Pouring into big bottles, hitting them on the sides to make water erupt upwards, working together to hang out, music pumping in the air.

We are on a pirate ship, Snort’s new-to-him bed, looking at maps and searching for treasure. We are wearing our pajamas to the drive thru, just to get out of the house and get a treat.

It’s silly, really. There is no reason every day cannot be like four days of holiday time. We have no school, no work, and no obligations that can’t be skipped. But for me, I think the chicken pox gives me a permission slip to just live like we want, with none of my guilt attached. It is a glorious reminder of all that unschooling/autonomous education/life can be, if only I relax and just let go now and then. When we follow the sun, when our days stretch before us with nowhere to go but here, we find new and exhilarating ways to fill the time.

We cut straws and stick the pieces in playdoh to make Angry Birds. We read books and nap in the afternoon to the soundtrack of Phineas and Ferb. We sit in the garden and look at ants, we call people up just to say hello, we trace out the spots on his body  like he’s a dalmatian or the night sky, covered in a thousand stars.

This first round of chicken pox brought joy and peace to my life.

You’d never know he was ill. Snort was his normal self, just covered in spots. Two nights were hell on earth, but the rest of the time was a welcome break from what has increasingly become an overflowing schedule. Now we are in limbo, waiting for the second outbreak of The Pox to hit our house. I don’t think it will be as relaxed or illness-free, somehow, mainly because Coconut is a very itchy child in general.

But I will not forget the lessons I’ve relearned from this first bout.

This week will be a reminder that we don’t HAVE to do anything. We CHOOSE to do things.

I’ve felt so overwhelmed by the amount of invitations to various playdates lately that I’ve literally stopped responding to texts and messages. I will get back to them all, but never did I imagine a life where we would have more social commitments than all those ‘socialised’ school children. My friends remind me I am a part of this family, of this journey, and if it is too much for me, then I deserve a say. I am grateful for all the people we know, all the choices of activities we have. I never thought it would happen like this, so quickly, and I am delighted and surprised by it.

But I am also grateful for last week, for that one hiatus where no one expected to see us, where we had nothing but time and everything to do with it.

Home education ‘school trips’

We are lucky to live in one of the best places in the country to home educate – there is a huge and varied population of home educators, including more than a handful of mamas from Country A. We have home education classes/groups/social meet ups available every day of the week, with everything from drumming to rock climbing to ….well, anything you can imagine. If it doesn’t exist, you can create it. We also have regular family meets on weekends throughout the year, a large not back to school picnic in September, and lots of other stuff going on.

Including trips.

Now, we have avoided the trip circuit as I felt the kids were a bit young, but now they are a great age. We went on our first trip yesterday. These are basically the equivalent of a school group having a field trip, and yesterday we visited a working farm. We were so not what those farmers expected.

Our children were not all one age. There were kids there from babies through to teenagers. Our ‘uniform’ was whatever individuals were comfortable in. We didn’t stay in strict groups and keep quiet.

The bit that made me laugh was the opening tour. None of our children are trained into staying in a neat, orderly group. As individuals and families, we are all very used to doing our own thing. So while some people stayed right with the farmer, a few children would be looking at nearby stuff. Whenever we moved locations, our group strung out into a huge, rambling, evolving thing, as children asked questions of each other, the adults, and the farmers. It was fantastic. A day that really reinforced our decision to home educate.

And we get to have every day like this, if we want, not just once or twice in the year. That’s awe inspiring to me. We can do what we want….whether hours of play at home, or out exploring the world. That is empowering.

On a side note, we met our first real live person who appears to replicate school at home. Of the hundreds of people I’ve met, no one uses a curriculum or makes their kids sit round the table for formal lessons. This seems a more common approach in Country A, where this lady was from. It was interesting to chat with her….albeit while Snort was covered in blood from a trampolining incident!

These trips will further open up our world. Because most home ed families are fairly autonomous, they give us a chance to meet people we might not otherwise know. An interesting thing is the influx of three and four year olds who would be starting school next September – people new to the idea of home educating, and lots of new potential friends for the kids. Coco made a particular friend of a four year old boy who apparently liked being bossed around, and they stuck together like glue all day. Snort played with older boys, got upset with them, and the six year old ringleader came over to sort it out with him, so he and Snort ended up playing together for a long time.

The flexibility of ages, interests, and abilities means that getting together with large groups of home ed families is always enjoyable. Even when your kid is bleeding everywhere – the immediate concern and support of other parents and children was awesome. It’s a group of people who are ultimately very accepting, and we are a collection of individuals accepted and celebrated for our quirks and joys. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Next week, assuming chicken pox doesn’t hit us up, we have our second trip ….to a fire station! TMD is so excited for the pottery class in the morning and the fire station in the afternoon she’s taken the day off work! I really hope we make it, but suspect the pox are on the way. Soon.

Ode to Plants vs Zombies

People say, what does home education look like? What do you do? For us, we are child led. Of course the kids are only 3.5, but we have no plans to try to recreate school at home as they get older.

What does child led mean?

Well, they like Plants vs Zombies, Snort in particular. The game itself offers a child a chance to learn strategy, use maths (storing those suns to buy plants, people!), basic reading (‘It says a huge amount of zombies are going to attack,’ says Coconut), develop memory skills (all those fucking plants, my god), talk about emotions (Why does that potato guy look sad? etc), and have fun. The fun is the incentive and the reward, as well as the fact that all three of us often play together all snuggled up in one chair.

But the spin off activities have been adding to the great fun. I’ll write some of them here, but hastily add that I did no lesson planning, and actually most of these were child inspired. I often follow their lead and am pleasantly surprised by how accidentally creative we are, and how many subjects actually branch off from one hobby.

brains

Coco loves medical stuff, and always has, and the whole zombies eating brains thing has prompted ongoing discussions about brains. The skull that keeps them safe, the different parts of the brain and how they have different jobs, how the brain interacts with muscles, etc. and then obviously quite a lot of science spin off stuff from there!

drama

Snort can do a wicked impersonation of a wide variety of the zombies from the game, and we often have fun physically acting out the game. Some of us are plants, some zombies, and sometimes we just sit back and watch Snort perform.

art

Using a deep lid of a cardboard box, we lined it with green felt for grass, and TMD helped the kids make trees and other plants so we could build our own Plants vs Zombies set.

gardening

Snort almost shat himself with joy when he saw chili pepper seeds at the shop. Now we have planted chili peppers and tomatoes, along with some potatoes that we have been chitting for a few weeks. Lots of talk of how plants grow, etc, which is also science, of course. Photosynthesis for the win!

exercise

Yes, I jest, but the ten minutes of zombie exercises the other day were truly awesome.

taste tests

Waiting for the chili peppers to grow is agonising, so we had some chili peppers delivered with our shopping last night. Hence having a taste test of green and red peppers this morning at 7:30 am. Snort, king of not trying vegetables, was keen to reassure us that Coco was wrong, that his mouth would not be on fire. Ha. One absolutely GIANT bite directly into the middle of a green pepper promoted a facial expression that is burned into my retinas. He deigned to lick the outside of the red one, hammed it up, and then watched with interest as I fanned my mouth and gulped milk.

I’m sure there’s been lots more related stuff, but these are the first examples I could come up with in a limited span of time.

Stay tuned for a possible upcoming ode to Angry Birds, which is promoting an ongoing explosion of creative thinking, crafting, and physics. I never thought I’d let my kids play video games this young, but am seeing them as a valid and fun way to spend some time, and seeing the continuous outpouring of creative learning is winning me over.

I need to remember how much I appreciate these 2.5 hours.

I dreaded it, this day called today. Coats and sweaters and shoes and hats and backpacks and a walk through the cold to the doctor. Loading kids in and out of cars as we shopped for compost and short style underpants.

But all the things I would have missed!

Standing on the path outside the doctor’s, making our shadows do various body shapes from gymnastics. Watching them form and dissolve with the shifting clouds.

Snort’s exhuberation at finding chilli pepper seeds at the shop, so we can grow plants like the ones in Plants Vs Zombies. The stupidly fun trying on of Spiderman crocs, as the kids chat with with a random lady and we sit on the floor in the middle of the aisle. Buying an insane amount of balloons for TMD’s birthday.

A morning out of the house, only errands and standing in lines and putting coats off and on. But also so much more.

Today. Our reality.

Some people are making perfect crafts out of all organic materials. We are pretending to be zombies as I lead my zombie babies in exercises – reaching for brains, arms falling off, facial grimacing.

Some people have four year olds giving piano recitals. My kids are naked except for a Spiderman mask and a superhero cape, standing on their kitchen chairs, dancing wildly to whatever song they hear.

Some people serve huge, homemade meals with fruit and veg of all colours of the rainbow. We are covered in flour and salt and making cookies at ten in the morning, pyjamas still on.

Some people are painting delicate pictures onto perfectly smooth river rocks, keeping them in wicker baskets in their minimal toy rooms. Our lounge looks like preschool in Crazy Town, rope nets and feather crowns and six hundred toy cars waiting around every corner to make you trip.

Snapshot of Snort.

The luxury of being you
Your head on your mother’s leg
The boat gently rocking
Spring sunshine streaming in the windows.

Your sleep is heavy and sweaty,
Cheeks red and sunglasses on,
Breathing deep and steady,
Perfect trust in the world around you.

Oh, the luxury of being your mother.

Cheat on enough dentists and eventually you will find the one.

Yes, my new dentist is so good it felt like I was almost in Country A. Plus, he grew up in Portugal and was raised on basketball from Country A, and had a friend who lived in the exact place I’m from. So we had a nice ten minute bonding session while waiting for x rays to develop.

He was stunned another dentist said my tooth had bruised. He explained everything he did before he did it. He had excellent bedside manner, and best of all – he really knew his shit. He took me seriously.

I am in dentist love. I promptly registered the rest of us with him. While giving TMD’s name, her mum (who came to watch the kids) was visibly upset that TMD hadn’t told her that TMD had changed her name so it was the same as mine and the kids’. Whoops.

So anyway, this post is for the zero of you who read my last post and thought, ‘Woah, she’s really worked up about this dental shit. She even drank wine!’

Today I’m sober and relieved. Of course my cracked filling isn’t going to be fixed for another MONTH, but at least I trust the guy who will eventually get around to doing so.

Weekly roundup 2 March – 8 March

Going to start a weekly post of the highlights of every day. TMD wants us to keep track for various reasons, and I know I forget everything easily, so here we go. This week has been insanely busy! The key bits are mentioned, in this week mostly going out, but we also spend large chunks of each day at home. These times are full of free play, practicing writing, reading books together, YouTube, more play, building crap from other crap, etc etc.

Saturday: Went to the science museum. Spent a good few hours playing and learning there, including the kids’ first experience in a planetarium. We specifically went to the show designed for young children, which they both loved (especially as a little boy they’d been playing with sat with us!) until the very end, when the whole place was properly pitch black for about two minutes. Coconut was very alarmed! Afterwards we saw our first ice cream van of the year and the kids were pleased to eat it outside in the cold, like the ice cream gods intended.

Sunday: low key day. We did go to pick up an affordable(ish) playhouse (recommended by Liv, thank you!). Other than that, lots of free play at home. This includes making a train from two big cardboard boxes, complete with wheels. The kids had maps and Snort said they were going to Grandma and Papa’s house. Then realised he needed a plane-helicopter, so wings and rotor propellers were added. He was saddened when we said we had no real engines (though now empty butter tubs are taped under the wings as engines!), but rebounded and said it was actually a boat, and could he please have some water to sail on?

Monday: Snort had football, and Coconut came along as we were all going to one of the kids’ houses afterwards. Coconut wanted to join in with football, while Snort begged to sit on the sidelines. Okaaaaay. Playdate was lots of fun. The other mums are inexhaustibly amused by Coconut standing up for herself and being the bravest kid in a roomful of boys. Yes, she’s a girl, but why should it provoke such amazement that she is strong, not easily intimidated, and wears Spider-Man shirts? Snort was in heaven as he spent about forty minutes dressed as a skeleton (after relinquishing the spiderman costume to his very tearful friend) and play fighting with the aforementioned friend/spiderman. Snort loves play fighting and always thinks he wants to do it, but as soon as other boys join in he tends to get scared or hurt. This other little kid and he did some hardcore fighting in a strangely gentle and respectful way, so Snort was glowing. When we came home we played out for awhile.

Tuesday: The first Tuesday of every month we go see a storyteller. She is fantastic. Totally fucking weird, but amazing. This month was a creation legend – earth being formed by a goddess, magic lady dragon, and a bunch of the lady dragon’s multicoloured eggs. We bumped into another home ed family we know while there. Afterward we went on the very large dry docked ship, rode a ferry back and forth across the water, had lunch at a cafe, went on a massive walk along the docks, and collected an insane amount of pinecones. It was so gloriously sunny and warm, we only had sweatshirts on! (And clothes, but you know what I mean.) Came home and their Grampy was still here, so we played in the back garden, then front garden, then spent like two hours riding bikes…..Coconut LIVES for bike riding and her balance is terrific! A ‘big girl’ down the street joined in, and the kids thought that was cool. After the rest of us were asleep, TMD went outside and built the playhouse alone in the freezing dark, at ten pm. Dude.

Wednesday: Spent the morning at home – Coconut borrowed my camera and took about six thousand pictures. She’s always liked photography. Snort watched some Tom and Jerry on YouTube (a show discovered at Monday’s play date) and played with toys. We also had a satisfying pretend cafe/picnic experience. In the afternoon we went into town with their Nana to see a free lunchtime concert of Ghanian music. Both kids were blown away by the drumming and xylophones! It really was awesome. Briefly saw another home ed family we know (weird but nice to see people we know wherever we go!) before heading to a local oddball market. Wandered around before catching the bus back to the car. Come home, both watched Tom and Jerry for twenty minutes, before more picture taking, playing, and dancing to Ghanian music in the kitchen! Coconut set up a bunch of kitchen tools as her own instruments. After dinner we went into the garden to play with the playhouse and a bouncy ball discovered in some bushes. Stayed out till well past dark, sliding and driving and bouncing and singing and throwing planes around. Felt like summer, except I was wearing warm fleece pajamas and a scarf. Ha.

(Should add here that my sister is coming Friday and it is all Snort talks about. Tuesday morning he woke up and asked when she was coming; when we said the weekend, he cried. Wednesday we walked past a store with greeting cards outside, and he picked a lollipop one and said, ‘We should get this for Blondieondieondie. Also get her presents? And a card for Grandma and Papa?’ We had also been telling him we would put the playhouse up on the weekend, when Blondie was here. This morning when they saw the playhouse was up, Coconut was all dancing and excited and wanted to play. Snort was like, ‘IS BLONDIE HERE?’)

Thursday: Last night I think I lost a filling, so this morning we had a mad dash to the dentist. A chance for the children to learn firsthand how shockingly shit dental care is in Country B. Then the kids, myself, and my unfixed tooth went over to a friend’s for our Thursday home ed meet. This house was amazing. Full of resources, brainy toys and games, and it was SO BIG. My dream home. While there they made cupcakes out of homemade play dough, with straws on top as candles and play dough flames. They built with magnets and metal, played pirates, cooked food in a cafe, made wooden bean necklaces, played with one of those awesome wooden rainbow things I’ve wanted forever and now really add to my wishlist, Lego, etc. The older boy has autism and found our invasion a bit much, but at the end we all snuggled up and watched an episode of the Octonauts together, which was lovely. Snort particularly likes this boy, but they need to be watched quite closely when together. Coconut and the little girl played merrily together and had a splendid time. I totally want to be this woman – she made homemade potato wedges for us, orchestrated the play dough with actual muffin tins and cupcake holders, and we even chatted about spirituality/religion. When people come to our house I can barely remember to offer them tea!

In the late afternoon lots of playing, including a very focused hour of the kids working together to create the most elaborate wooden train track layout ever. That shit snaked around everywhere. I’d show you pictures but they were both bottomless! After tea, Coconut wanted more nighttime garden time, and she went out for ages. Snort got cold quickly and came in, and we were entertained by Coconut’s various pouty faces through the window.

Friday: Very low key morning. People played and watched youtube, and I could barely get myself in gear to get them ready. Luckily three and a half year olds are easier than any other age we have been, so got both kids dressed, medicated, brushed and flossed, lunches made, etc in a record twenty minutes. Snort went to Nana’s, while Coconut and I went to gymnastics. It is an amazing pleasure to see joy overtaking her. Since her return to the gym after The Broken Arm, her confidence and happiness has crept back slowly. And today she was laughing, playing with her friends, and the next thing I know Bunny is trying the rope (the apparatus she broke her wrist on). I say, ‘Hey, do you want to try it too? I’ll hold you. I won’t let you fall.’ To my shock she said yes, and she swung and laughed and taught her friend Catgirl how to do it. She jumped up and down and shouted, ‘I LIKE the rope now!’ Other parents and her coach were all mouthing shit at me, ‘Wow! My God! Look at her,’ and waggling their eyebrows and watching. She was oblivious, joyful, intent, content. Her joy was contagious and I am still buzzing now.

We arranged a play date with a gym friend for a couple of weeks time, then went to the playground for picnics and muddy playing with Catgirl and her mum. Catgirl discovered crocuses, and when we got home we realised we have them growing in our front garden. We took pictures then sent some emails to Catgirl before coming in to play/snack/watch Numberjacks. Snort came home wearing a crown with loads of feathers attached, and his borrowed Mr Benn DVD from Nana. Coco and I watched Mr Benn, Snort played superheroes for aaaaages. Short intermission for the near clawing out of someone’s eyes, then we all had a big snuggle under blankets with more Mr Benn. Very sleepy, slow afternoon -think this week has tired us all! I fell asleep at 6:30 last night …

Late afternoon spent colouring in Blondie’s card Snort bought earlier in the week, playing in the playhouse, etc. Me blowing giant bubbles in garden for the kids to pop with various sticks was a major success. Good thing I have the kids as a think tank, because I doubt the violent slaying of bubbles would have occurred to me, particularly not in the rain and near dark! Culminated in a massive water fight – kids used their fishing nets to fish in our bin turned rainwater collector (aka disgusting muddy water with mysterious shit in it), then used nets to ‘rain’ on each others’ heads, then went full on splash mode and were totally soaked. Hopefully the real sky rain washed off the worst of the water borne contagions!