Archive for the ‘babywearing’ Category

No such thing as a selfless good deed?

December 2, 2010

Something nice happened today. I was at playgroup, sat in the corner with our regular ‘helper’ (see: staff member who is ALWAYS with one or other of the babies, making it possible for them to experience crafts, playing, riding bikes, etc one-to-one), a childminder I am friendly with, and a pile of children none of us knew.

A lady started approaching us, doing that half head tilt thing like she’s seen someone familiar and is trying to figure out where she knows them from. Problem is, she was looking at me.

I thought, maybe she wants to talk about babywearing (I’d already had a little babywearing consult with someone else ten minutes earlier), maybe she wants to talk about fertility treatments (hey, it happens), maybe she wants to compliment my kick ass Daisy Duck shirt, maybe….maybe she’s someone I am supposed to know?

She zeroed in on us and crouched down next to me. I smiled. Hey, you never know who is going to be your next new friend, right? (Yes, I am as saccharine sweet as I sound. I like meeting people, okay? So sue me.)

She says, ‘I think it’s you.’ I admit that non-plussed me. I mean, on the one hand, she is absolutely right. It is me. Who else would I be? She’s beaming at me and I get the distinct feeling she might be going in for a hug.

Before I can say, ‘Are you on glue?’ she rushes on..

‘Last winter I was in the big indoor carpark in town. I  had four poorly children with me. My twins were sick, my eldest had an infected leg, and her friend was crying. We’d walked all the way to the machine to pay, I started putting money in, and you gave me .10 because I was short. It is you, isn’t it?’

I nodded. ‘Yes, that was me.’

‘I wanted to come tell you thank you. Thank you so much. I was having the worst day ever, and you made things a little easier, and…well….thank you.’

That made me feel warm inside. And also a little stoked that I’d helped another twin mama without realizing.

I sometimes do little things to help people. Because other people have done things for me, and even tiny things can make a big difference. Never do I expect to see or hear from these people again.

In fact, I’d forgotten all about the harassed looking mother who was short on money. But here it is, a year later, and she recognized my face.

That made me feel powerfully good, and even more committed to doing the tiny things I do in the hopes that they can help someone else out. Because, let’s be real here, I count on the people – often strangers – who have gone out of their way to help me or my babies.

We should all look out for each other a little more, because you never know when you’ll need someone to look out for you. Or when one of your random acts of kindness will turn into a great conversation with a wonderful woman, a year down the road.

Karma can be wonderful.

 

A picture is worth…

November 4, 2010

I still love babywearing…even if the afterparty is a bit tough on my knees.

October 29, 2010

Anonamama hosts a surprise tandem babywearing dance party! All the attendees had fun.

image

That’s FORTY FOUR pounds of baby strapped to me!!!

Quotation marks are the new irony.

October 1, 2010

Three things:

1. A friend on facebook has pointed out that ordering that pfau (red 6, me thinks!!) from a Country B vendor is way cheaper than ordering from Didymos (based in Germany). Only 109.00. ‘Only.’ Need to sell my Didymos Ruby Indio 8 before I can buy this other wrap. If you want a long wrap because you are fluffy, or you have twins/two kids to wrap, you let me know. It’s in excellent condition and going cheap! ‘Cheap.’

2. I managed to screw up bagels and nectarines this morning. I have taken pictures because I think you’d all love to see my ‘cooking’ ‘skills’, but that will have to wait.

3. At playgroup, I am like Mary Poppins. A drug dealing Mary Poppins in a crowd of smack addicted toddlers.

ZOMG.

September 30, 2010

I only found out that the ‘z’ was for added emphasis about a week ago, so this is my first usage of it.

And ZOMG!!!!!!

Didymos, my wrap company of choice is releasing a new version of an old wrap called pfau. Due to being fucking poor and the secondhand versions of these wraps selling for more money than my glasses cost (!), I do not own one. I have petted one, once, and then put Coco on my back.

It is the wrap to end all wraps. It devours your wrap and shits it out before breakfast.

And they are rereleasing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At ordinary wrap prices!!!!!

I want one (or 25, in every size and colour). One of my weight loss goals is strengthening my core enough to wear Snort and Coco again….but probably only one at a time. Plus, baby #3 needs a wrap. We also plan to foster infants and toddlers, and you know those little darlings will be all wrapped up and kept close to us.

So, here: http://www.didymos.de/html/pfauliste.htm

Are you rich?? Or are you just moderately well off and want to donate to the partial cost? My rich friends, I’d like a petrol 7. Or the red. No, the petrol. Or, the red????

Seriously, rich people, hook my ass up. You will be ensuring the lessening of attachment disorders for future babies in foster care. You will be giving me a reason to be pregnant again. Come on.

No, I am not joking.

Friends: cooler for more reasons than I originally thought!

September 13, 2010

I have seen Friends an embarrassing number of times. Many of those times have been post giving birth to my twins – Friends was a pretty good companion to me through early (constant!) napping, or when things were particularly haywire and I needed an hour of having ‘other people’ in the room with me.

Consequently, I’ve noticed a lot of awesome stuff.

Breastfeeding

Ben is breastfed by Carol. Not only does Friends show this happening, but there’s a whole episode where it is a major storyline, and people are tasting Carol’s milk and finding it nice! Carol is also pumping for Ben, as Ross is given bottles of breastmilk to feed Ben when Carol isn’t around.

Rachael also breastfeeds Emma. As I type, she’s learning how to latch Emma on. Again, Friends is showing this happen – albeit Joey is there, making sexualised comments.

Cloth diapering

I just noticed a throwaway comment where Rachael says they need to get a diaper service before the birth. If they were planning on using disposables,  I don’t think one would be needed – correct me if I’m wrong?

The lovely @katiespickles on twitter has also said that Ben is wearing cloth diapers in one episode when he is a baby. Rachael is changing his diaper, and he says ‘hi’ for the first time.

Babywearing

Ben is worn in a soft structured carrier. I can’t recall if we see it happen – perhaps once – but the carrier is present when Joey and Chandler babysit Ben. Joey is wearing a giant teddy bear in it. A bit bizarre as Ben is in a carseat, but whatevs.

After Emma is born, we see Ross babywearing her in a soft structured carrier – FACING ROSS!! (@katiespickles thinks it may have been a Bjorn. *sigh* At any rate, she says it is a crotch dangler *double sigh*.) The fact that she’s in a sling isn’t mentioned, which is normalizing. And the fact that she’s not facing out, as most people outside of hardcore babywearers seem to think is correct, is also another biggie.

Lesbian/Transgendered parenting

Obviously Ben is predominantly raised by Susan and Carol, and as the series progresses his teacher asks Pheobe at one point, ‘Oh, are you one of Ben’s moms?’ Throughout Carol’s pregnancy, this parenting triangle is mentioned many times – at doctor check ups, at antenatal birthing classes, etc. Not a negative comment or judgment is anywhere!

The ‘hot nanny’ in Season 10 (‘so hot I cried myself to sleep!’ – Ross) is also a lesbian.

Woah!! @joyfulabode just reminded me of Chandler’s dad. Though it is never directly labelled on the show, I would tentatively label him/her as transgendered, as an umbrella term.

Single parenting

You’ve got Ross, you’ve got Rachael, you’ve got Joey’s pregnant sister. Ross mentions missing milestones in Rachael’s pregnancy, as well as wishing he had more time with Ben.I think Ross is a great example of a single dad – and how great the show shows his side of things, especially with the cross cultural Jewish stuff, too.

On the other side of the coin, you have Monica telling Rachael how difficult it is to be a single parent, and Rachael’s fears make her say yes to Joey’s proposal.

Janice is also a single parent on and off through the show, dealing with dating, divorce, and remarriage. @joyfulabode also points out that divorce has obviously had a big impact on Chandler…who can forget his sad little dancing in the snowy reststop after Ross and Rachael’s break up?!

Monitoring fertility to conceive

Only because I just saw Monica’s dad talking about ovulation and the best positions to conceive in!! You also see the progression of Monica and Chandler trying each time she ovulates. Of course, she does ‘period math’ to figure this out – no mention of the multiple other, more accurate ways to do so…but c’mon. It’s a 22 minute show. (Though @dashoff reminded me in the comments that she uses ovulation sticks as well…and, let’s not forget, so does Chandler!)

Infertility

The infertility of Monica and Chandler is a main story arc – which I think is awfully brave of the writers and producers, particularly as the show is primarily billed as a comedy. What makes this more complex and appealing to me is that there is a mixture of sadness, hope, and laughter – just like life, there’s a lot of gray between the black and white.

We see them try naturally, consider sperm donors, talk about surrogacy, and then move on to adoption. (Still don’t get why IVF was not an option – but again, no doubt the infertility/adoption storyline was more compelling!)

Pheobe’s brother and his wife are unable to have children naturally, so they have IVF and turn to Pheobe for…

Surrogacy

Pheobe carries her brother’s triplets for him. The issues of the pressure of getting pregnant, the expense of the IVF/surrogacy, as well as the harder issues of having to give children your womb held for nine months to another family are covered. I know I can’t be the only one who laughed when Pheobe fell in love with her surrogate puppy, or cried when she said hello/goodbye to the triplets.

Older mothers

Obviously, Pheobe’s brother’s wife (cannot remember either of their names!! Help a sista out!!) is an older woman – and I think that is actually cited as the reason she can’t get pregnant. Her eggs are obviously still good…so I don’t think it makes total sense, but still. The issue is raised.

Adoption

Monica and Chandler adopt baby boy/girl twins (holla!) at the end of Season 10. This story line covers when/how to tell kids they are adopted (don’t let Chandler do it), the agony of waiting for that call, open adoption, meeting with the birth mother, and forming a relationship with the birth mother.

Natural birthing

There are four births on Friends, for a total of seven kids born over the show. I do not recall epidurals being used for Carol, Pheobe,  Rachael, or Erica – nor any drugs. Rachael does make jokes about drugs, but her entire labour is shown…and a long one it is…with no pain relief.

So natural births for multiples, breech birth, and failure to progress.

Multiples

Hi, triplets and twins!

We see how exhausted Pheobe’s brother is from caring for triplets – and then laugh along when it takes Pheobe, Monica, and Chandler to babysit. When Pheobe manages to get them all to fall asleep on her own – and the house is wrecked in the process – I know I cheered for her.

I also love the line where Rachael mentions to Chandler and Monica that she’s sorry she won’t be around to see them try to handle twins. I agree!

Co-sleeping

@katiespickles (the one person who may equal me in my obsessiveness about Friends, it appears!) mentions that Rachael co-sleeps with Emma in the same room, though that could be due to a lack of space in the flat. This one was interesting because I never would have thought of this!

Many thanks to @katiespickles, @1xmum, @joyfulabode, and @sbartholomew for having the Friends discussion on twitter! Lots of talk about Joey’s teddy bear, cloth diapering, and breastfeeding. (And all good people to follow!)

Did I/we miss anything? I know everytime I see the series (yes, every time), I see new things. And I’ve never actively gone ‘parenting hunting’ while watching.

Please do leave a comment if you can think of any other story lines or episodes that deal with these issues that weren’t mentioned – or let me know if we totally missed a huge area!!

Or, you know, leave a comment telling me how cool it is to have spent months thinking about this shit.

Stuff I enjoyed reading this week.

August 26, 2010

So, links to things I enjoyed reading this week….

First up, how do you feel about some of those obnoxious ‘like’ things on Facebook? Ignoring the fact that the vast majority are spelled wrong and have the grammar skills of a 2 month old, some of the messages in them are quite appalling.

One that particularly jumps out to annoy my ass is ‘I’d rather go to jail for spanking my kids than for them to go to jail because I didn’t.’ Yeah. Well, Code Name: Mama has countered this DISlikey with some stark statistics that I found (obvious and) interesting. A great thing to trot out next time someone says you are being too soft on your kids.

Next up? I’m sure most of us have heard of skin-to-skin, or kangaroo, care. This is encouraged as a matter of fact after birth here in Country B, and research has shown it to be a huge benefit to preemies. That being said, when I was pregnant we were told if the babies were born early we wouldn’t be ‘allowed’ to ‘handle them’ much. Oh yeah? This mum in Australia gave birth to twins at 27 weeks – and her son was declared dead. After two hours of skin-to-skin cuddles, talking, and a wee snifter of breastmilk, well…a miracle.

And the third and final link of the evening: babywearing. I think we all know of a certain babywearing blog focusing on wearing twins that put up lots of cool videos and informative posts, but it’s sort of defunct now that the said mama is no longer really babywearing. *ahem*  That certain mama is still getting emails and messages from around the world, and the word ‘guru’ has been bandied about. I…I mean, that mama….thought she would link you through to the woman who was her guru.

This page has tons and tons of videos showing different wrap carries. Many are for wearing two babies/toddlers/children, but there are also a shitton focusing on just one kid. We’re talking front carries, back carries, torso carries – you name it, it’s probably here. She also invented the double tandem wrap carry that I used most often with Snort and Coconut. Go. Be amazed. Learn.

So. Did you see anything on the ol’ interwebs that you think myself or the readers of this blog might be interested in? I know this circumcision decision flow chart was my favourite image of the week – aside from the gazillion pictures of my own kids I took!

Birthday rides in the garden….

August 11, 2010

Comfort me please, even if it’s just to say it’ll all work out.

June 11, 2010

Oh, the way motherhood can reach right into your chest and pull out your heart.

The babies just had their one year check (today is their ten month birthday, if you are keeping track. That’s just how the health service rolls around here).

Things are okay. Except they may not be.

Skipping all the parts about how they are mental giants and milestone geniuses, the health visitor picked up something potentially scary about Snort.  He has a deep crease in one leg (a crease from a fat roll), and no crease on the other leg.

Asymmetrical leg creases can be a sign of hip dislocation. There is a more fancy name, but I am too cried out to look it up. If he’s got this, he’ll need immediate treatment as it is pretty serious shit, but fixable.

I was upset when I saw the first treatment – him being in a plaster pelvic cast (that holds his legs in the exact position a sling would – so one more reason to blame myself as I never do slings anymore due to mah little disability) for like three months. I just thought he would fucking hate it – but one account online by a mom said her kid learned to crawl in his in like 15 minutes. Still, though.

Then I saw worst case scenarios – which probably wouldn’t come into play unless he was walking. But it’s….surgery….and like a three week stay in hospital…in traction.

Oh, fuck.

He’d be so scared.

Please please let him be fine.

Do you know anything about this?? They both have had attention paid to their hips as they were both breech throughout all of pregnancy. Were referred to ultrasound as newborns – don’t remember how old they were, certainly under three months and probably closer to three weeks – and were given the all clear. A doctor’s exams of both their hips at 6 week check also said they were both fine.

So I guess I’m asking, can this shit develop progressively?? He’s had a manual check and ultrasound, both okay. Health visitor today didn’t say his legs were uneven, he’s not limping when he crawls..so the logical assumption is that he is fine, but we need to be responsible and get him check as this ideally is treated before they turn one.

I have been watching his hips like a HAWK for a limp anyway, because I wanted to make sure he didn’t have hypermobility. So there’s been no fucking limp, I can assure you. Was no way to really tell when he was army crawling, but now he is proper crawling. He looks a bit like Bambi, TMD said, because he’s still a new crawler, but she’s not seen a limp either. I think he looks fine.

I am already in a minor tizzy due to the influx of appointments coming up – my physio, my appt with orthopedic surgeon, eye checks for both of them (again, due to Snort. Poor fucking kid. This is follow up from the previous longsighted eye exam, and Coco gets automatic referral as they are twins. But health visitor also said he is ‘a bit wide between the eyes’, so that may mak him appear to have a squint even when he doesn’t, and he will grow out of this), now hip checks for him, possible ultrasound follow up for him, podiatrist for me, fucking pilates for me….and fuck knows how it’ll be if he actually has a dislocated hip. Ugh.

I hate feeling out of control. Or like a child – I can’t drive in this country, and I’m certainly not well enough to use public transport or take a taxi. My mom was like, ‘Put up an ad somewhere for a nice man to drive you around.’ Uh, yeah. So TMD is continually having to take time off work to ferry us around to doctor or hospital appointments – and two of these upcoming appointments are in different cities. WTF.

Anyway, my panic fueled tears have dried and neither baby has napped properly due to the extra long check from the health visitor. Going to maybe see if I can encourage sleep, and will probably start crying again when I hold Snort.

Right now he is sitting up and looking down at Coconut. They are chatting back and forth and laughing and laughing. His hair is sticking up every which way and he looks so happy.

Ugh. Okay. Crying again. I don’t want him to go into hospital, damnit!! I would shout the house down and make sure that TMD or myself was with him 24/7, but how difficult it would be. STOP PANIC. STOP. I’m sure he would just need the plaster, and trust me, as hard as that would be for him/us, I infinitely prefer that to any sort of separation of the family.

Say something nice. Anything.

SPD day chats, #2.

April 27, 2010

Any of these, on their own, can lead to pelvic girdle pain. I have ALL of them:

  • trauma to the pelvis (this one is key for severe SPD)
  • twin pregnancies
  • hypermobility (pre-existing)
  • higher maternal age
  • first pregnancies

I’ve just made an appointment to see a doctor next Friday. Never seen him/her before, but I know s/he refuses to make referrals for circumcisions (cool) and abortions (uncool).

I need to see a doctor to get referrals. I know I probably need another referral to the specialist physio, though she does approximately fuck all. I may request x rays as well – general x rays (never had them from the accident due to pregnancy) and stork x rays (a diagnostic tool for symphasis pubis distasis – don’t think I have this, as most of my pain remains in a back joint). May also request referral to an orthopedic surgeon.

I still do not want surgery (VERY slow and painful recovery, very low success rates). I prefer the ‘wait and see’ approach. Apparently, my facebooky friends I’ve made as a result of the pelvic instability support group on there have all been told it is a period of 2 years postpartum recovery. Wikipedia says there is a mean recovery of 6.25 years, taking longer for more severe cases. Yikes.

I think the whole 2 year thing is because that is when you largely stop carrying your babies (in arms or otherwise, though I know loads of babywearers carry on). Because…..yes, weight bearing is a large cause of ongoing pain, particularly in the back joint. By age 2, I should have lost all the babybabyweight as well.

The surgeon, though, is someone I feel might be in the best position to give me answers. All of that aside, I am terrified to see a surgeon. I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor because I’ve still been thinking this will all just go away. It isn’t.

Today is the first day I am thinking I may genuinely choose not to have another pregnancy. I have been thinking about this a lot in recent months, and mourning, but today it doesn’t feel so sad. Today I look at my son and daughter – that I am SO LUCKY to have – and I think, I’d rather be able to have a life with them where I am walking and free, then risk going through this again.

I really do hope I recover. I cannot imagine this being my life; I can’t even believe it has been my life for so long already.


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