My symphysis pubis pain came back this morning out of nowhere. It is extremely painful to walk, even with crutches.
I hobbled back to bed and ate Cheerios while laying on my stomach, as I need food before I take hardcore pain relief, and I couldn’t sit up. Imagine my joy post Cheerios when I realised I was stuck. Like a beached fucking whale. I literally could not roll from my stomach to my side/back.
Now TMD is all trying to figure out how she can take the day off. She has no annual leave left because it is all being used for this adoption shit. Her mum won’t come here to look after the children as ‘they’ll just keep pestering me anyway if I am in the house.’ I’ve never heard such a lame excuse in my life.
I’m hurting so badly, inside and out.
And the most awful thing is poor Coconut. She was due for gymnastics today. Her confidence and joy in the gym is finally back in full force after her broken wrist/arm, and she’s asked every day this week to go there. She spends most of her time upside down in handstands, and often says, ‘Welcome to the amaaaaaaaazing Coconut!’ I guess TMD is going to have to take the day off, as I can’t move even with the ruddy crutches. Hopefully she can take both kids to the gym.
If I’d been like this last night we could have action planned and just had loads of fruits and snacks the kids could serve themselves from today. We do have loads of workbooks, YouTube, toys, etc but it is still probably physically beyond me to look after them.
But no, I’m the mother who scared her little boy. He came in this morning to ask what was wrong, if I was okay, and it was when I tried to roll over to talk to him that I involuntarily yelped/screamed. He was so scared and backed away. I called out, ‘Honey, I’m sorry, Mama is just hurt. You didn’t do anything,’ but he was already shutting the door behind him.
I can’t stop crying. Fuck this pain.