New horizons.

40 DDD. Really??

REALLY?!?!?

Remind me to write a how-to guide for those in confined spaces with twins.

We no longer have a computer. Haven’t for a couple of weeks – that’s why blogging is at a standstill. I’m hoping my sister will give us an old discarded laptop from her collection, otherwise we are screwed. I don’t want to point any fingers, but it WASN’T a kid who broke the laptop. Or me. *ahem* *the WIFE* *ahem*

Now, I may or may not be in another country at the minute. In someone else’s house, someone who DOES currently own a computer. Consider this my official hello for the last couple of weeks of non-blogging.

Marry me, book. Make love to me.

Go The Fuck To Sleep.

This is the first page of a book my mom sent me today.

Another great page says

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

Genius. And every page gets better and better. Trust me.

Soon songs will be written about me.

I pooped myself a little today. Yes, it’s true.

I took off my poop clothes, applied nappy cream to my ass, put on new undies. And then nice, thick trousers to act as a safety barrier in case I did it again.

I’m getting sexier every day.

What 9 30 pm looks like to me, tonight:

Geometric proofs.

1. My grandmother loved jalepeno peppers. Like eating them by the forkful directly from the supersized jar love.

2. Coconut looks a lot like my grandma. And acts like her. There have been nervous jokes about her being my reincarnated grandma.

3. Coconut just tried her first jalepeno. I think her reaction conclusively shows she is not my grandmother.

(in other news, we took our first big kid bus ride into town. Snort went nuts at the bus station on the way home, going up to every bus, trying to get on, and sobbing uncontrollably when I wouldn’t let him. Yet the hope on his little face at every new bus pulling in!

Eventually our bus came. By ‘our bus’ I mean the bus we accidentally got on which added 50 minutes to our journey home (regular time required: 10 minutes). He sobbed when we got off. That’s a bus lover. )

Snort and Coconut, forever and ever.

Yesterday:

TMD came to playgroup with us; she and Snort were having a great time pushing a little car back and forth on the wooden floor. Of course two other kids join in. The little girl ultimately grabs the car, turns her back and ignores our cajoling to push the car back to Snort – who is, by this time, in Full Heartbreak Mode. Down turned mouth, quivering. A quiet and desperate little cry.

No adult seems to be attached to the Little Toy Snatcher Who Makes My Kid Cry, so TMD and I continue to try to gently encourage her to share. Then Coconut runs up. In .5 of a second she has assessed and evaluated the situation – and ain’t NOBODY gonna make her brother cry.

She marches to the girl, gently takes the car from her, and places it in Snort’s hands. He brightens instantly, the other kid looks puzzled, and Coconut promptly begins to clap for herself and the successful resolution of a crisis.

This morning:

Snort is in the hallway on all fours. He’s on pause, just hanging around outside the bathroom door, stalking TMD.

Coconut’s eyes fall on him. She skips over, jumps up onto his back, straddles him, and cries out ‘HORSE!’ in a triumphant voice.

Snort half smiles, then looks uncertain, then his body collapses under her weight and he begins to cry.

——

You can’t always win in the brother-sister dynamic.