Who the fuck knew anyone could be allergic to potato, the most bland food product on earth?

Turns out Snort and his indefatigable eczema may have a slight problem with cooked potato, developing a pretty immediate rash wherever it touches his bare skin.

Considering he approaches eating the same way Godzilla, high on angeldust, might approach demolishing New York City, I think it’s not hard to understand why a meal of mashed potatoes could end up covering his face, neck, arms, and legs.

‘At least he’s cute,’ TMD said, as I pointed out that he was that kid – the one with the allergies, the weirdo skin rash, the possible future glasses.

Cute, yes. Beautiful, yes.

But the fact that his forehead is currently crisscrossed with about a million gashes and cuts of different lengths and widths – oh, yes, he’s not one to let a rash die a death. He must SCRATCH and RIP and TEAR at it.

All I know is yesterday there was a Mummy saying, ‘You know, Existere, I don’t really think these rashes of his are linked to anything. It just seems to come and go at random.’

And today there was a Mama who thought, ‘Jesus CHRIST, they’ve been crying all day, I need to break out some sort of entertainment. I know! Isn’t there some mashed potato left over from last night in the fridge?’ And that Mama clucked with pride as her daughter scooped it up and chewed, as her son pounded and squished and bulldozed.

Bad mistake, Mama.

Now there is a Mummy, a Mama, and a cat. There is also Lobster Boy, angry itchy Lobster Boy, who is distantly related to Teething Girl – another one who chooses to emulate killer giant dinosaur things with her ROAR and SCREAM and GNASHING OF TEETH (or gums, as the case may be).

Regardless, we will be steering clear of the old po-tay-toe for now.

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Tags: allergies, dinosaur children, eczema, lesbian, parenting