You can’t help what life throws at you.

Read the previous post to find out why I asked a midwife if I was supposed to shove a little plastic stick in my vagina. Read this post for more about the appointment!

Got the results for the combined Nucal test. This allows each baby to be given a risk factor for Down’s Syndrome. Both were low risk. The midwife said low risk is normally categorised as 1 in 800 babies. One baby was 1 in 4900, and the other was 1 in 4300. Little shining stars.

We also got to hear the heartbeats via doppler – she warned us they might still be too little to do so, but we got ‘em both…after some hunting around. She found Baby T’s eventually, and then I felt him/her flip away and she lost it again. She managed to find it again after awhile, and it was a nice strong heartbeat. Baby M also wasn’t playing ball – but instead of running away from the probe, she/he kept kicking it! Incredible.

This fits with what we imagine their personalities to be like.

So.

Names.

I had a dream when I was five weeks pregnant (before I had the emergency scan after being run over and found out it was twins) that we went in for a scan. Both babies were boys. The first was big, the second smaller but very well defined – he actually talked to me through the scan.

This was a nice dream, if a little funky. The disturbing part is what their names were in the dream. Names we would NEVER call a baby, even for pretend, and somehow…well, they’ve stuck. Don’t worry. We’re not going to name them these names. But I think the babies are stuck with them until August.

Baby 1 is on  my lower left side. His/her name? Mano.

Baby 2 is higher up and on the right. His/her name? Torre.

Both with ludicrous Spanish pronounciations. I know.

In other news, we’re apparently ‘planning to deliver’ at 38 weeks pregnant, as the babies will be mature and I will be ‘very fed up’ by that point. The consultant was very pro vaginal birth, assuming they were both head down, so that was nice. I can’t help but note that 38 weeks is 11 August. Our anniversary (nine years!) is 15 August. Crazy stuff.

Showing myself as the genius I am.

I had my first antenatal appointment today, and I had to be swabbed for MRSA as I had been an in-patient in hospital within the last year. She did my nose and throat (I almost puked on her!), and then I went behind the little curtain to do my own Down There swab.

I stuck it up my business.

I was supposed to swab my bikini line. I think that midwife thinks I’m a little les incompetantes, and the internal swab isn’t the only reason for her to think so – but it’s a fairly good one.

Crank it up to the next level, boyz. And LOOK at my giant bump. Perhaps this weekend will bring prictures for you lucky people.

Woah. Lots of hip pain responses. That’s what we like to see – other ladies in discomfort. It’s like pregnancy porn for sickos. (I exclude myself from the sicko category in this instance, however.)

I could write you another numbered list of even more things that have happened. All of it is overshadowed by the ongoing sickness. The new pattern seems to be by midweek I am vomiting loads, fatigued, get migraines, have a nasty resurgence of my cold, and call in sick. I had a little crying jag to my boss’ boss today. Tomorrow is the first proper antenatal appointment, although even that is just a booking appointment (which should have happened at least a month ago, but who’s counting? Oh yeah, ME). My boss’ boss seems to think I am going to be signed off from work.

I don’t know. Either way, I have to cut my hours way down because my body – and therefore mind – is clearly not coping with working full time and being a twincubator full time.

Those little babies are kicking like wild donkeys on speed, and I just want to focus on them and not on how miserable I feel. I called across the world (eight time zones) to speak to my sister at 1 am her time, and I just sobbed out, ‘I just needed to hear the voice of someone who loves me.’

Whine whine, moan moan. At least the pregnancy is ‘out’ on Facebook, so it’s nice to be getting supportive and copious comments on there.

Had a scan on Monday and Baby M headbutted Baby T so, so, so hard that Baby T’s entire body rippled from the impact. I will tell you their ‘names’ in a later post, because I only just vomited into a tissue box and think it’s time to sleep. After all, I have to wake up super early and try to piss in a urine specimen pot that is about as wide as a pencil.

AWESOME.

Note to self.

I have about twenty million things to tell you all.

So I remember:

1. The twins’ ‘names’

2. Yesterday’s scan

3. Horrid dream last night

4. Mexican food

5. TMD = delicious

First scan, first good day, hippy hippy shake/pain.

Yesterday was by far the nicest day I/we have had since becoming pregnant. We just spent the whole day together, relaxing and wandering around town, having lunch in ‘our’ place, holding hands in the fragile spring sunshine. Of course, the anti-nausea meds helped! I crammed more food down my throat than it is probably possible to imagine.

The whole weight gain/weight loss thing is interesting. I have spent my whole life effortlessly gaining weight. Now when I actually want and need to do so, it’s so fucking hard. So far, in my thirteen and a half weeks of pregnancy, I’ve lost 2 pounds. Yesterday had me feeling so good I decided to try without meds today, and had spaghetti for breakfast. And lunch. A few hours later I was throwing up into a wrinkled plastic bag on my lap, screaming at TMD to pull over into a quiet residential road.

I then gulped down a pill, a McDonald’s hot apple pie, and a chocolate shake. Niiiiiiiiice.

Tomorrow I have another scan and I still haven’t written about last week’s. In my old diary, tying my shoelaces in a new and funky way would have resulted in a plethora of photos. Now I just seem too tired, or like I have other things to do (like…..get sick?). I just now whipped out the scan pics again (two of each baby, and one of both babies together) and was suddenly surprised to see a baby’s face spring into focus – eye indentation, nose, mouth. A real live person’s profile. Times two.

The scan was incredible. I think TMD loved it more than I did, but I loved it a whole lot. It was a funny feeling, the lady shoving the ultrasound thing very firmly against me in all different places. The babies are sort of stacked on top of each other, like a high rise apartment building. This scan was EXACTLY like a dream I had before I even knew it was twins. Don’t think I wrote about that dream here yet, so will not wax lyrical.

But we saw both heartbeats – a zillion times huger than at seven weeks. Twin 2, as he/she is so romantically called in hospital terms (the baby in the penthouse) was in a funny little position when she was trying to measure top-to-tail (or something), so she went down to the other baby. When she went back, Twin 2 was in good position. And then just as she snapped a picture, we saw a hand move. We all sort of let out this breath of ‘Ohhhhh!’ and when the picture was done, we saw the whole baby wriggle and stretch. That shit is magic, people, let me tell you.

Twin 1 didn’t move the whole time, but it was interesting as the place she was pushing to see that baby was right where I’ve felt all the movement. I said so and she seemed surprised I’ve felt them. (And I’ve felt them since. Sometimes both at the same time!)

Our scan was last Tuesday, and both babies were dated at exactly 13 weeks (due date: August 25). This is one day ahead of the internet, and FOUR days ahead of our IVF clinic. They are both doing perfectly for this stage in the pregnancy.

Tomorrow is a screening scan. I am looking at it as an opportunity to see those kiddies again, as well as to have my mind put at rest. It’ll be just me making my way from one city to another (say it with me: over an hour on a train, then a taxi ride) and will probably have me fighting tears at some point. My hormones seem MILDLY less crazed, but that could be because it’s the weekend. I did just sob uncontrollably at the end of High School Musical 3, which I record in the interest of accuracy.

Feeling very tired and - according to TMD – looking very pregnant. At some point you’ll all see my belly. For now, imagine a very very hard stomach full of sandbags. It’s becoming a killer on my left hip to sleep on my left side. How can I fix this? I need all the moms and mums out there to offer advice!!

(I made a new header in honour of our kidlets. What do you think?)

Rapid fire.

So much has happened and I’ve either been too busy or too ill to get to a computer. Hopefully will muster some motivation this weekend to write about the scan, as I want to remember it!

The breakdown: Tuesday morning had a nervous breakdown because the midwives called to say they couldn’t see me after the scan. A range of crazy phone calls ensued, and I just sobbed (as per my usual, lately).

Had the scan – still two babies in there. One (Baby B) moved during the scan and that was incredible. Both babies are baby-shaped now, which is very science fictiony and inspiring. Was offered a screening scan on this upcoming Monday (had to see the midwives to sort it – HA, try to deny me an appointment) and it threw up all sorts of issues for TMD and me. More on that later.

Was talk about admitting me to hospital for dehydration. Had emergency appointment with a different doctor (thank GOD), and was given some medication to prevent vomiting. It appears to function mainly as a laxative, as far as I can see. Still, have not vomited ONCE since I started taking them (yesterday). Having some nausea on and off, which is disappointing, but the no vomit thing makes up for it.

Had physio today. Booked in for more next Friday afternoon. I think this means I won’t really be able to come in to work at all next Friday, as I’m seeing my consultant and midwife for the first time that morning – and it’s a super-long appointment (finally).

Wednesday was massively sick at work, culminating in me being unable to stop crying as I locked myself into a consulting room at work. Didn’t go in yesterday as spent all Wednesday evening vomiting, and woke up yesterday with my first ever migraine. Everyone I have spoken to has a theory about what causes migraines.

Back at work today. Totally tired out and ready for the weekend. I miss TMD and feel like I never see her, except for these short and sweet glimpses in the mornings. Keep telling people I no longer feel like I can work. That’s a whole other story.

Okay. More later.

Oh! Hopefully this weekend we will also get the scan pictures put on CD or something so you can all see our baby-shaped babies.

Links of love.

I’ve just found out that it’s okay to drink moderate amounts of Diet Coke when pregnant (though I’d probably go for caffeine free)! I heart Diet Coke and have been craving it for weeks.

On two occasions TMD brought a bottle home and I just smelled and smelled it. I also took a sip on each occasion and just rolled it around in my mouth. It was simply orgasmic.

I am trying to restrain myself from running out the door to buy this heaven nectar as we speak. I have not had diet coke since about three months before we did IVF, because caffeine fucks up your fertility. This means it’s been SIX months since I have had my little friend, my silver space suit alien buddy, my tingling seducer of the night.

Comparisons.

Last Friday:

1. I threw up beans out of my nose.
2. I was really tired from working the whole week.

Today:

1. I threw up beans out of my nose.
2. I am really tired from thinking about working this whole week.

Summary:

Every time I inhale I can smell baked beans and cheese. This disturbs me.

Is it possible to be this tired after 15 hours of sleep?

God, I’m just feeling so needy and emotional. I spent the whole weekend either lying flat in bed or vomiting like it is going out of style. And let’s not forget plenty of crying.

Went to the maternity store place on Saturday. Spent an atrocious amount on barely anything, but then did get two pair of maternity yoga pants which I now never want to get out of. Have lost more weight, feeling very tired, dizzy, etc. Can’t wait to see the midwife tomorrow to just say – look, dude, am I alright?

Sort of scared about the scan though. Have had lots and lots of movements on my left side, and only a few light movements on the right. I know that placenta is a bit further back, though. Just want to see two little babies on the screen, wiggling away.

I’m effectively wearing pajamas at work today. I don’t want to write much more because it would get into deep emotional stuff and I could already cry. Today is the first day of taking only one progesterone pessary, though. Think I will take one per day till Wednesday morning. Everyone pray there is no resulting spotting or bleeding.

Okay. Will write loads today, as I thankfully have no clients.

(I thought pregnancy meant sporting a cute bump and feeling EXACTLY the same emotionally and physically as you did before you got pregnant. Naive or stupid, take your pick.)

H-o-r-m-o-n-e-s.

WordPress fucked everything up, deleting half the post about Tatiana’s baby. When I tried to update it, it moved it so it was at the top of my blog page.

I needed to clarify that while that post makes me look happy (and I still am, for her) it is OUT OF ORDER and I am still on the verge of sobbing like some sort of crazed lunatic.